The Variable LifeSample

“A Friend for Every Adversity”

Looking back on years of meaningful events, lackluster romances, and wavering seasons, I’ve had steadfast brothers by my side through them all. Without close friends, most of life’s experiences would lose richness. We’re not meant to drift through life alone, but live our stories anchored in relationships.

Solomon beautifully wrote, "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity" (Proverbs 17:17).

Years ago, when a friend left the country, I asked if he felt sad about leaving people he knew. His reply was astonishing: “I’ve found that God provides the right friends to be around me for each different place in life.“

Even if certain friendships don’t last forever, temporary relationships influence us. God provides who we need during each chapter, so we help each other through conflicts.

In each stage and place, I’ve had the friends I needed to challenge me, give me space for solitude, encourage me, and keep me moving forward. That’s not to say friends never vanish. Some days I wonder about lost relationships. Yet for a select few special brothers or sisters, there’s untold reward in maintaining relationships over time and distance.

C. S. Lewis wrote, “To the Ancients, friendship seemed the happiest and most fully human of all loves; the crown of life, and the school of virtue.”

Sincere friendships enrich our lives, but also teach us about the world. Identifying closely with a brother or sister teaches us what life’s like for someone else, without pretense or facade. You don’t keep a brother at arm’s length; you learn to share perspectives, fears, and hopes. A sister doesn’t just know your coffee preferences; she knows which coffee shops you’ll never revisit because your ex-boyfriend worked there. Intimacy is the core of deep friendships; it’s saying to a trusted companion, I’ve never told anyone, but I trust you.

Keeping a friend who sticks closer than a brother or sister becomes difficult, whether from a personality conflict, a conversational pain point, or the natural erosion of good intentions. But if we look at the endless variables of where we’ve lived, what we’ve done, and who we’ve connected with, we realize the most impactful friendships weren’t just about our intentions. Perhaps God orchestrates the relationships we can choose because he knows what—and who—we need in each chapter.