God, Sex, and Your MarriageSample

Wholeness Beyond Purity

When we talk about God and sex, we tend to focus on how God wants to change our behaviors. Behavior is important, but what God is really after is your heart. God doesn’t dramatically change what you do until He first transforms who you are.

This is a very important distinction between the traditional message of “sexual purity” and the idea of sexual integrity. Integrity means that your life is whole and consistent. The opposite of integrity is “disintegration” or being splintered off into different parts of yourself. Satan’s work in your sex life is to create categories or compartments that work against you becoming a person of integrity. Many Christians will say that Jesus is Lord of their life, but they don’t quite apply that claim to their sexuality. When Jesus said to love the Lord with all our heart, mind, soul, and strength, He meant all!

God’s call on your life is that you be changed from the inside out. As you grow in your relationship with God, He transforms your thinking, your affections, and your actions. This means bringing to God the shame from your past, unconfessed sin, and secret struggles. It also means trusting Him as your Healer in the areas of your life where sex has represented harm and pain.

If you are a married Christian, God’s desire is that your sex life looks more and more like His love for you. After all, He created sex and marriage to be a metaphor, a physical picture, of how He loves His covenant people.

You can start by inviting God into your sex life. Most Christian couples I’ve met never pray together about their sexual relationship. This keeps an invisible wall between their sexual relationship and their spiritual life.

1. What is the danger of trying to change our sexual behavior without first inviting God to change our hearts?
2. How has sex become a category separated from your walk with God rather than integrated into it?
3. What might it look like for you to invite God into your sexual relationship for the purpose of wisdom and healing?