The Struggle Is Real: How to Walk With Someone Who Is HurtingSample

Empathy Over Sympathy

The shortest verse in the Bible is John 11:35: Jesus wept. This particular verse is found in the middle of the story of Lazarus — specifically just after his death. Despite being only two words, this verse teaches us a lot about how to walk with others when they’re hurting. In that short verse, Jesus teaches us how to show empathy.

Job’s friends got it all wrong because what they were practicing was sympathy. To be sympathetic toward another person is to see the situation through your own perspective. For Eliphaz, Bildad, and Shophar, their perspective told them that Job was being punished for his sin. Empathy, on the other hand, is putting yourself in another person’s shoes. It's forcing yourself to see the situation through their eyes.

All Job needed from his wife and friends was someone to sit with him, not tell him why he was going through hardship. He needed presence, not perspective. When Lazarus died, Jesus did not try to wave off Mary and Martha’s pain or tell them “at least he’s in a better place” or give a reason why Lazarus might have died. He saw Lazarus’ death through their eyes and did not judge them or the situation. He recognized the sadness and hurt they were feeling, then grieved with them.

To quote Brené Brown, empathy is “simply listening, holding space, withholding judgment, emotionally connecting, and communicating that incredibly healing message of ‘You’re not alone.’”

Practicing empathy won’t always be comfortable because seeing things from someone else’s perspective will require you to be vulnerable. And let’s be honest, we don’t always want to do that. But it’s in that discomfort and vulnerability we allow God’s love to shine through. Because even if we don’t totally understand what our friends and loved ones are going through, God does.

Challenge: Read back over Brené Brown’s quote on empathy and watch this video. Choose one of the steps listed to put into practice this week.

If you or someone you know is struggling with your mental health and you don’t know how to start the conversation, check out Seize the Awkward for tips and conversation starters. If you or someone you know is battling suicidal thoughts, please reach out to a trusted adult. Getting help isn’t a sign you’re weak — it’s a sign you’re wise.