Open, the Hospitable HeartSample

Engaging Conversation

I always have time for you. Let’s really catch up. Let’s share and share alike.

When I meet my dear friend Mary Beth for lunch once a month her opening comment is, “Tell me everything.” And she means it. And thus begins a 2–3 hour conversation that covers all the topics most important to both of us. She really likes to hear me talk about my life and is equally transparent about hers. Sharing a meal with Mary Beth is one of the happiest, most fulfilling hours in all my relationships. She is comfortable with herself. She is comfortable letting me be me. I know no one so judgement-free. I feel I can say anything and be received. I can ask any question without embarrassment. I seldom feel I need to ask her forgive me, for she already has. When I walk away, the conversation feels balanced and I have a sense of being washed clean, equipped, and known.

Conversation is an art. Those who do it well can traverse prickly, boring, one-sided and ungodly conversations and bring them back on course. They can also bring out the withdrawn in the group so everyone participates. They are the navigators of verbal fellowship. Conversations wrapped as they often are with 'doing life together' are like building blocks; when we converse openly and often, we are making a cumulative investment in the relationship.

One of the most important biblical lessons of my life is that God enjoys and invites conversation. The entire Word of God is His reaching voice and our primary means of knowing what He thinks and says. In addition, the Bible contains many conversations between God and His people. Praise Him! If God conversed with His people in the past, He is still communicating, for He never changes. He desires and pursues conversation with each of us. This sharing and listening fellowship is called prayer. In 1 Thessalonians 5:16–17, Paul even invites us to “pray without ceasing!”

Practice hospitality (Rom. 12:13).

• Consider the longings and questions in your heart. Now try to comprehend the overwhelming zeal of God to communicate with you. Praise His name—He has given us the Scriptures and has chosen to live in us by His Spirit! Practice conversing with God about what you read in the Bible. Pose specific questions about your life within the context of your love relationship with God and wait in expectation for His answers. (I have written two other Bible plans on this topic: “Conversations with God” and “More Conversations with God,” if you are interested.)
• Recall recent conversations with others. Were they satisfying? Did you feel “caught up?” If you see potential for better conversations, ask the Lord how to increase your conversation skills and try His fresh ideas.
• One principle that has helped my husband and I balance our conversations is what we call “the two-minute rule.” If I have been talking for two minutes, it is time for someone else’s turn to talk. This is not a legalistic rule. It’s just a principle we keep in mind for ourselves—though not for our guests. To pass the baton simply ask a question and enjoy the response.
• Practice listening so well to casual remarks that you can ask a question that deepens a conversation. For instance, if someone mentions they had a good day, you might ask them to share the happiest moment in it. By listening carefully, we can bring out the details that make a conversation delightful and meaningful.
• Note: Sometimes a conversation can turn in an ungodly direction. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people." So well stated! If the topic of a conversation rehearses the faults of others, humiliates them, or exposes what is private (God calls this gossip and back-biting), we can practice guiding the conversation to a wholesome event or exciting idea.

In today’s passages let’s listen in as God engages His people in conversation. Notice His confidence in who He is and His genuine interest in individuals and their questions. How edified, instructed, and known are those who converse with God.