I Used to Be ___Sample

In day one, I, Chuck, shared that I recently lost the title of grandson. As I accepted this change, I was able to look at what I loved about being a grandson. Simply distracting or ignoring the topic as a protective mechanism would not have helped me process or heal.

But it’s not always just titles that are difficult to swallow. Overall, many grief terms can feel insensitive or simply not enough to sum up the intensity of emotion we experience.

When I, Ashley, began researching treatment options for myself during our season of loss and miscarriage, I discovered that I did not care for the sterile medical terms that were used (recurrent miscarriage, spontaneous abortion, secondary infertility, etc.). Terms and titles don’t have to define us, but they can still be painful.

If we break down the term miscarriage, it sounds like a “misstep” in the way I “carried” our baby. Amid grief, the term may not carry enough weight for the amount of pain parents experience. For a while, I wouldn’t even use the term. Instead, I would say, “My baby died.” Changing the language we used was empowering for us.

Tell God which terms sting right now. If there are people who use these terms in conversation with you, consider sharing with them how the words feel foreign or unwanted or are constant reminders of who you do not want to be. This should help you feel seen.

Though some terms may hurt, remember what Galatians 4:7 tells us: So you are no longer a slave, but God’s child; and since you are his child, God has made you also an heir. (NIV)

Isn't it a relief to know that no matter what, you'll always be God's child? That's one title that will never change and never sting.

Let's pray.

God,

My unwanted title is ___ and I am struggling with that. Today, help me acknowledge my unwanted title and reach out to someone to talk. While my unwanted title feels overwhelming, I know my most important title is Child of God and that I am one with You and with my brothers and sisters in Christ.

Amen.

Journal:

What terms related to your unwanted title do you hate? Are there any terms you'd prefer to use instead? Write a few sentences about what words tend to be used about your loss and how you feel about that.