Lay worry down.

There was a time when money worries consumed my thoughts daily. As my young children aged from infants to toddlers, I felt wrought with the anxiety that I couldn’t afford their diapers, pull-ups, or clothing. If my 20-year-old car had engine trouble again, I would feel overtaken by fear. It would lead to a downward spiral. I can’t afford to fix my car. If I don’t have a car, I can’t go to work. If I can’t go to work, I will lose my job. If I lose my job, I will lose my apartment. The worry was terrible, and frequent. It took years to understand that my worry wasn’t changing anything.

Money problems equal exhaustion, frustration, and worry that sadly, we can parlay onto our children. Money problems mean anger from past relationships resurfacing with thoughts like, How could he leave us like that?! If he were still here, we wouldn’t be struggling! Here are three questions I learned to ask myself as a single mom who worried about money constantly:

1. Do I have a plan? You may currently find yourself in a financial pickle with limited resources or more debt than dollars. However, if your only plan is to talk about how hard it is, then you’ll likely be in the same place a year from now. You must have a plan. Everywhere we look in both the Old and New Testament, we see the Lord giving plans to His people. The financial plan may look slightly different for everyone, but it must include both short and long-term strategies for financial challenges and godly principles. Short-term plans could include securing a second job, creating a side hustle, trading in your car for a less expensive one, or reducing spending habits. Long-term solutions can include additional education through a vocational school or college to enhance job opportunities, transitioning to a job with more upward mobility, or getting your real estate license to sell homes on the weekend. The point is there has to be a plan to begin. Otherwise, you’ll stay there.
2. What don’t I know? You don’t know what you don’t know. True. But it’s your job to find out! What don’t you know about money? Do you understand credit history and the process to repair it? Do you know how to pursue homeownership? Do you understand proper budgeting techniques? Do you have a 401k at your job? There are tons of online tools now that can help educate you. Access is available to online budget tools, financial future calculators, and low or no-cost financial education classes. Check out Single Mom University for some single-mom-specific ones! More details to come on how to enroll for free!
3. Will I get bitter or better? Sadly, the devastation of a divorce, the death of a spouse, or the result of abandonment by a partner can cause us to struggle to move on. The pain often leads to anger and bitterness that, left unchecked, creates a root larger and deeper than expected. No one plans to get bitter! Yet, bitter is where we end up if we don’t choose to be better. We don’t have a choice about the family we are born into, the socioeconomic status we grew up in, or the abandonment of a cheating spouse. We don’t have a choice about the abuse we may have been subjected to or hurt that unexpectedly came our way. But we do have a choice about what we do now. Choose to continue to get better – better as a parent, better as a manager of money, better as a woman of God.

Moms, I have a bonus question for you… Are you committed to the process, even if it takes longer than expected? The Life of a Single Mom conducted a survey some years ago with 113 single mothers regarding their financial situations. We included questions about debt load, credit scores, median income, age, etc. Do you know what surprised us the most? Approximately 40% indicated that lack of a plan was not their biggest obstacle! Their biggest obstacle was their willingness or dedication to stick to the plan! In other words, once you’ve created your plan, educated yourself on what you didn’t know, and have chosen to get better, the next obstacle you will face is the commitment to the process. There will be days when it’s hard. Commit to the process and lose the worry.

Points to Ponder:

• Creating a budget is as simple as taking a sheet of notebook paper and listing expenses and income. Will you commit to doing that?
• Write down three short-term & long-term solutions to improve your financial situation.
• What are some online tools that you could use to help you budget?