Forgiveness God's WaySample

Day 6: Privately Point Out Their Fault

Today’s reading gives advice that is well worth practicing when dealing with our offenders, especially because the day will come when we need someone to treat us in like manner.

There are many ways in which a person can handle disputes, some healthy and others unhealthy; some constructive and some entirely destructive. When we act in our own interest without consideration of the next person or in the flesh (in our own interest, irrespective of what the Word of God says), we will undoubtedly handle conflicting situations destructively.

It would be destructive and against the teachings of Jesus if we talk to everyone about what a brother or sister did to us but not to the offender. It would also be against Scripture if the first time we talk to the offender about the matter is in a public forum in the hearing of other individuals. The goal is to “keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” (Ephesians 4:3), not to shame or humiliate anyone, so it is important to follow the teachings of Jesus.

Jesus teaches that if another believer sins against us, the first step is always to have a private conversation with the person. This could be the most effective approach to obtaining peace between the parties if done in the spirit of meekness and love. When done this way, the chances of the situation worsening are significantly reduced. Suppose the person who was wronged approaches the offender with an expressed desire for peace and reconciliation. In that case, the offender will more likely acknowledge and repent of their offense against the other person, especially if the offender has a heart for God.

Yes, the person has consciously or unconsciously offended you. They hurt your feelings and have sinned against you. However, if you react to your offender with negative remarks or an unkind attitude or behavior, it is very unlikely that the outcome will be good. Quite possibly, the situation will worsen.

Jesus’ teaching requires and is rooted in humility and grace. The Lord Jesus demonstrated true humility for us. He set aside His eternal glory to seek and save what was lost, you and me. Jesus died to reconcile us back to the Father.

Like Jesus, our goal must be reconciliation. Therefore, we should address the issue privately, in love, humility, and grace, to prevent it from festering into bitterness or resentment.

No matter how or to the degree we have been wronged, it is important to follow the scriptural guidelines. Above all, we address the issue in private, and while doing so, our words should be seasoned with salt, and our attitude should reflect Christ-like humility, gentleness, and patience. We should also be ready to receive corrections in truth and love.

However deeply we have been wronged, we should never permit ungodly communication to proceed out of our mouths. The word of God says, “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver” (Proverbs 25:11, KJV). Words that are spoken in grace are more likely to divert an angry response because “A wholesome tongue is a tree of life” (Proverbs 15:4a, KJV), but harsh words and words that are spoken in haste stir up anger and strife (Proverbs 1).

Adherence to this teaching requires self-control. You may be quick to speak or act because of the wrong done to you, but hear the Word of the Lord today. Seek peace and pursue it, and in doing so, treat your offender with gentleness and love. Ask the Lord to give you the discipline to respond in a timely manner and in a Christlike manner when you are wronged. Ask the Lord to give you a desire for unity in the Spirit with your brothers and sisters in Christ.