Finding Security Amidst the Storms: How to Find Your Secure Attachment in God-With-UsSample

Sometimes we are sojourning in a new land like Jacob and are surprised to see where God shows up.

“Surely the Lord is in this place, and I was not aware of it,” Jacob said after seeing the vision of angels ascending and descending the ladder to heaven (Gen 28:16).

So here’s my question: Is it possible to intentionally place sensory reminders of the truth of God’s presence—whether it is a lit candle, a praise song on repeat, the liturgy of the hours, or a cross in your pocket—and walk from present moment to present moment while using them to remind us that God is here?

A white, jarred presence candle was lit on my kitchen island that morning. It has become a tradition. I need a flaming bush, a reminder that every moment is filled with God, every moment is holy.

Every once in a while, I looked up from the computer to watch the flame flicker, remembering in the midst of my everyday ordinary, “God, You are here.” The kids filled the dishwasher after last night’s burgers but left a sink full of the big pans. The iron was still out from Sunday morning’s rush, and the chai tea I’d been sipping since my first son got up for school at six o’clock was waiting for a refill. This was my ordinary, semi-controlled chaos.

It was not scrubbed-and-cleaned-up perfect. Yet God was in it, even in the midst of my mess, and the flicker of the candle reminded me to look for Him.

While speeding through my day, I needed a still point, like the spot on the wall that dancers keep returning their gaze to as they complete their turns. An anchor. This candle called me back, reminding me of the truth: I am never outside the warmth of God’s love.

It also reminded me that His presence does not depend on my awareness. The flicker does not stop the moment I forget it’s there. The candle keeps burning, whether my awareness is turned in its direction or not.

In the same way, God does not disappear as my attention strays elsewhere, though I may function as if that’s the case.

And here’s the brain science behind this practice of keeping a lit candle in a common space: by using a constant reminder of God’s presence, we’re laying the groundwork for spiritual object permanence. Object permanence is the concept of believing that an object still has reality even when it’s out of sight. As we build attachment to others, emotional object permanence is established. Even when that loved one is out of sight, we still have the internal security of our bond.

Sometimes our brains have been wired through loss to believe we will be abandoned. Lavish love is a new landscape we need a map to find. But just having the map is not enough. We have to travel the road until we can consistently find our way home. Our brains need to be rewired for perfect love.

As I click on the butane lighter or strike the match, I speak the simple prayer “You are here,” and the lit flame awakens me to God’s nearness. I come awake to the fact that God has already declared Himself present.