Free to Be Me: Overcome the Comparison Trap and Discover Who God Made You to BeSample

Everyone wants to be the person God created them to be. But many of us don't feel free to be that person. We feel held back by insecurity, the opinions of others, past experiences, or a lack of knowledge about who God says we are.

In my battle to become free to be me, I discovered that one of my most significant barriers to freedom was my relationship with what others thought of me. According to Gary Chapman's bestselling book, The Five Love Languages, one of the primary ways I receive love is through words of affirmation. I regularly look for opportunities to get feedback on my work or affirmation of my efforts. It's the way I receive love.

However, there is a thin line between seeking the fulfillment of a genuine need and an unhealthy obsession. Something good can become a genuine problem.

We all have a God-given need for affirmation.

But our need for affirmation can turn into an unhealthy search for validation. In seeking to meet a genuine need, we give people far too much power to validate or invalidate us. We begin to look to other people for what only God can provide.

Social media often becomes the arena where this battle takes place. Consider the following questions. Do you frequently check to see if anyone liked your post or commented on your Instagram reel? Have you repeatedly returned to a social media app, wondering, "Has anyone shared my new post yet?"

If so, you aren't alone. In my worst moments, I'm a mess. My brain becomes a tornado of questions. "Did I get more subscribers this week? Is my traffic up today? How was that sermon? Did anyone respond to the invitation? Sure, you said I did a good job, but why do you say that?"

Because a genuine need for affirmation can turn into an unhealthy obsession with validation, our use of social media can have a real dark side. Sure, there are benefits to our apps. We get to learn more about other people around us. We can experience a sense of connection with people near and far.

But we also expose ourselves to more danger than we realize. The dark side of social media is that likes, comments, shares, retweets, favorites, followers, friends, views, and subscribers become a way to measure our value rather than our profile's performance. These so-called vanity metrics can decide the value of our work and who we are if we aren't careful.

Breaking an Addiction to Comparison is Not Easy

If you are wondering if you have an unhealthy relationship with the opinions of others, then you're in the right place. Over the next five days, I would love to help you take five significant actions.

First, I encourage you to abstain from using your social media apps while doing this plan. If social media isn't challenging for you, consider what you might give up during these five days in order to turn down the volume on what others say about you.

Turning off your notifications or stepping away from social media could be a wise and healthy choice. This move might be painful. However, in the long run, it might change your life. Without thoughtfully and intentionally engaging these tools, they become our masters.

I want you to know I've done what I'm inviting you to do. I walked away from social media for a week last summer because I noticed some unhealthy habits. My breaks have extended even longer when people I love pointed out things that I didn't like.

I want you to be free to be who God made you to be. That’s the purpose behind this entire plan. To do that, you need to hear from God! He wants to be the primary voice shaping how we see ourselves. We cannot become free to be the people God made us to be, while we are looking to someone or something else for what only God can give.

When we are heartfelt in our repentance in this area, seeking God's grace and help in creating change in our lives, God responds to our repentance and equips us with the strength to take bold steps of obedience.

As we walk away from unhealthy sources of validation, tomorrow, we'll examine how to identify good sources of affirmation that nourish our souls and free us to be who God made us to be.