Navigating Negative EmotionsSample

Does That Really Hurt?

Have you ever seen a small child fall, tripping over her shoelaces or accidentally bumping her head against the wall? There is, in the aftermath, a moment that seems to be frozen in time. Is the child going to cry? Is she injured? A parent may preempt the response by making a joke or assuring her that she is ok.

Sometimes we cry due to the fear of pain rather than the experience of pain.

Once we taste pain, it is easy to become overly fearful of it. Pain isn’t something our minds and bodies are wired to enjoy, and we always seek to escape from it.

Confirmation bias is the tendency to seek information that supports our existing views and to interpret situations and evidence in a way that reinforces our beliefs and preconceived expectations.

We can believe that everything could harm us. Everyone could offend us. And, due to our confirmation bias, we often we find what we are looking for. Many of us have the tendency to scan every corner to spot any potential source of pain, because we are bent on avoiding or escaping from it.

Our confirmation bias threatens to change our actual perspective on the world. We can make up inexistent offenses or become extremely sensitive to them. To justify our way of thinking, we blame others for our pain, dissatisfaction, or inadequacy. Anything that doesn’t align with our way of thinking must surely be wrong. We act as if things hurt us when what we are really trying to do is to shape circumstances to fit our perspective.

Does it really hurt? Or have I learned that tears get me attention?

Recognizing what truly hurts is vital. We must be able to honestly name sadness and pain and treat them when they arise. But we must also see when it is only the threat of pain that scares us into offense, sadness, or anger. We should not hide real pain, nor adopt imaginary pain to get attention or love from others.

If we want to live a life of truth, we need to be able to ask ourselves, “Does this hurt?” God can help us discern our emotions, intentions, and thoughts.

Lord, help me know when something is genuinely hurting me and when it is a mistaken perspective on things. Help me judge my emotions and keep them clear in my heart.