The Way of the CrossSample

Forgive as Christ Forgave Us

Matthew 6:9-15

“This, then, is how you should pray:

“‘Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one’

For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Reflection on the passage:
The day my sister Beth and I moved out of the tiny back house that we were renting in Monrovia, California, Beth hardly said a goodbye. She left me no way to reach her as she drove off with her friend whose car was loaded up with all her things. I was so angry and heartbroken, wondering how she could do this to me as her little sister who loved her so much. Over the seven-year period following in which Beth separated herself from her family and childhood friends, I had some opportunities to write to her. I tried to write in a loving way while expressing how hurt I was and how unfair her characterization of the family was. What I didn’t realize at the time was that my resentment and pain were blocking the way to reconciliation with my sister. Jesus was inviting me into a deeper way, the way of the cross.

"And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors," Jesus taught us to pray. There is a direct relationship between our receiving forgiveness from God and our giving it to others. Jesus makes this even more clear in the verses that follow the prayer, saying that if we don't forgive others, He will not forgive us. This may seem at first like a harsh teaching, but it might help to think of it this way. How can we come before God in prayer asking for mercy and grace for ourselves, while inwardly demanding justice for the one who has hurt us. By doing this we counter our own request and stop the flow of God's grace coming to us and through us.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean the pain isn’t real, but we grow to realize that only Christ, who took our sin and pain upon Himself on the cross, can take our present pain and bring us true inner healing. As we let Christ heal us, we can begin to let go of our demands and resentment toward the person who hurt us. We can see this person more and more as a child loved by God, broken just as we are broken, in need of God’s grace and forgiveness just as we too need God’s grace and forgiveness.

In those young adult years that I was working through my sister’s shutting me out, Jesus graciously led me through what at times felt like a cross. But on the other side was new growth and healing. There were things I needed to die to as I took a fresh look at myself and owned my own hurtful actions and immaturities. I learned to see with more compassion and less defensiveness what life in our family was like for my sister. I learned to lean more on the friends that God had brought into my life.

One day, after this growth and healing had happened within me, I felt the Holy Spirit prompting me to send Beth a card that was purely expressing love – no demands, no self-explanations. The result? Beth called me! In that conversation, we began to build back our relationship. Moving toward my sibling in grace, I rediscovered that God's mercies are indeed new every morning (Lamentations 3:22).

Suggested spiritual practices:
Prayer for forgiveness and inner healing

1. Prayerfully read Matthew 6:9-15.

2. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you an area of hurt in you that is needing healing, a place where you still may be holding some resentment or unforgiveness.

3. If something comes to mind, sit with Jesus in this hurt you are feeling.

4. Where do you feel prompted to take a next step? It might be simply to allow yourself to feel the hurt and invite God’s healing work within you. Or maybe it’s to pray for the person who has hurt you.

5. Close by praying the Lord’s Prayer.