Man vs. FeelingsSample

The Loneliness of Jesus

In 2021, the BBC conducted a study on loneliness among 46,054 adults from 237 countries.

Across the many age groups and cultures they studied, they found that young men living in individualistic cultures, like North America, were most vulnerable to loneliness. As well, young men were most likely to experience it more intensely.

While it shouldn’t take a multi-national psychological study to tell us that loneliness is common among young men, it certainly helps to highlight the brokenness of the disconnected world that so many men live in.

Loneliness also hurts. Often, this emotion hurts just as much as physical pain. Studies have found that the pain of social abandonment activates the same neural regions in the brain as physical pain.

When I read about this research, I find myself thinking about Jesus hanging on the Cross, crying out, “My God, my God, why have You abandoned me?” (Matthew 27:46). I wonder if the pain of the abandonment would have outweighed the physical pain that killed Him.

The more I think about it, the more I become convinced that the pain of abandonment that pierced His heart must have been far greater than the pain of the nails that pierced His hands.

Yet, even before He was abandoned on the Cross for our iniquity, He was abandoned by His best friends in His darkest moment.

“Could you not watch with me one hour?” is a question that breaks my heart.

The more pain we face in life, the more we long for comfort from the ones we love the most. We can’t help it; it’s how we’re wired as people. Psychological research tells us that having the presence of someone we love during a stressful situation can buffer our stress and pain response.

On the other hand, the distress is greater when the loved one is missing.

If you’re a man who has felt completely alone in a dark moment or season, you will have tasted the same loneliness that Jesus felt.

It sucks, but—as cliché as it sounds—you’re not alone.

I marvel at Paul’s statement in Philippians 3:10 that his goal was to know Jesus and the fellowship of His sufferings. His goal was to fellowship with the Lord in His pain.

Could our experience of loneliness be an invitation to fellowship with the Lord in His?

Prayer: Lord, thank You for not being far from me in my loneliness. Show me what it means to fellowship with You in my loneliness. Teach me the joy of going through my pain with You. Amen.

Reflection: How do you find yourself responding when you feel the pain of loneliness? What does fellowship with the Lord in your loneliness mean to you? What could that look like in your life?