Healing Family Relationships Through ForgivenessSample

If we are commanded to forgive, then forgiveness must involve a choice. It begins with an act of the will, out of obedience to Christ. At this point, we may be confronted with numerous obstacles. I don't "feel ready" to forgive my brother. My sister has not taken responsibility for her bad behavior. My mother-in-law has not apologized and asked for our forgiveness. While all those factors are important and painful, they do not change your role in the first phase of forgiveness.

When you begin the journey of forgiveness, your feelings are not your friend and can actually keep you from taking a real step toward healing and freedom. If you wait until you "feel ready" to forgive, you may end up waiting your entire life.

Here is what happens when we take this first step of forgiveness. Imagine an old wooden bucket. Over the years, your family drops in glops of thick mud. This mud is the hurts and wounds you have experienced. When we make the choice to forgive, it is like taking a hammer and smashing a hole in the bottom of the bucket. When we tear the hammer out, a nice big glop of mud comes out. Now, instead of being 100 percent full of past hurts and resentments, we are only 95 percent full.

As I have counseled hundreds of people through this process, many experience an immediate "lightening" of their spirit. While it may only take away 5 percent of the hurt, they sense a bit of emotional breathing room, something they haven't felt for a long time. This is a blessing from God, and a first step toward healing.

Reflection Question:

What wounds do you need to bring before God today in the first phase of forgiveness—your will?