Day 18: Empower with Direct Feedback

Giving others Miracle-Gro is empowering! It gives them a purpose and voice. A voice is important, but knowing how to use your own voice is essential. One of the most dreadful mistakes leaders can make is using their voice, or allowing others to use theirs, for gossip. Whether positive or negative, giving feedback about someone in their absence is considered gossip. Words are often taken out of context, so even great intentions can be overshadowed by misinformation or misunderstanding. As leaders, we must commit to providing direct feedback to the person it concerns.

Nathan Rebukes David

Let’s look at a well-known example of direct feedback in the Bible: the prophet Nathan’s rebuke of King David.

David had just orchestrated the death of a man (Uriah) to take Uriah's wife, Bathsheba. This was grievous in God’s eyes. God sent Nathan to confront David in 2 Samuel 12:1-13 (NLT):

[1] So the Lord sent Nathan the prophet to tell David this story: “There were two men in a certain town. One was rich, and one was poor. [2] The rich man owned a great many sheep and cattle. [3] The poor man owned nothing but one little lamb he had bought. He raised that little lamb, and it grew up with his children. It ate from the man’s own plate and drank from his cup. He cuddled it in his arms like a baby daughter. [4] One day, a guest arrived at the home of the rich man. But instead of killing an animal from his own flock or herd, he took the poor man’s lamb and killed it and prepared it for his guest.”
[5] David was furious. “As surely as the Lord lives,” he vowed, “any man who would do such a thing deserves to die! [6] He must repay four lambs to the poor man for the one he stole and for having no pity.”
[7] Then Nathan said to David, “You are that man! The Lord, the God of Israel, says: I anointed you king of Israel and saved you from the power of Saul... [13] Then David confessed to Nathan, 'I have sinned against the Lord.'”

David’s repentance came because Nathan had the courage to offer direct, truthful feedback with clarity and conviction.

Lessons in Giving Direct Feedback

1. Implement the Closed-Door Policy

Contrary to popular belief, the open-door policy often causes more harm than good. It can lead to inefficiencies, erosion of trust, and inconsistent information flow. These issues—especially the last two—fuel gossip, particularly in environments with less experienced leaders. Create space for intentional, structured communication.

2. Structure Your Feedback

Structure your feedback clearly so the message isn’t lost in delivery. This is a double entendre. On one hand, be concise, specific, and professional in what you say. On the other hand, be just as intentional in how you deliver it. Prioritize direct and private communication whenever possible. Avoid public correction unless absolutely necessary (e.g., in a structured “scrub-down” or debrief).

3. Avoid Mentioning Others Unless They’re Present

In the Marine Corps, there’s a running joke: “Did the Marine Corps issue you that family?” It’s one of those absurd sayings from a bygone era that still gets a laugh until it’s directed at someone who isn’t in the room. I once cracked that joke about a colleague, and he wasn’t happy when he heard about it second-hand. Everyone in the room knew my heart, but hearing that comment out of context created a misunderstanding. We worked through it, but it reminded me of a vital truth: feedback delivered behind someone’s back, no matter how harmless it seems, can destroy trust.

Final Reflection

Clarity is kindness. Truth in love doesn’t just correct; it strengthens, restores, and empowers the people we’re called to lead.

Prayer Prompt:

Father, give me wisdom and courage to speak truth in love. Help me steward my words carefully as I build people up, rather than tearing them down. Please show me how to give feedback that resonates, restores, redeems, and helps others grow. Amen.