Submission, Sacrifice, and the Eros Heart of God

Eros love is often misunderstood in our modern secular culture, and sometimes even within the church. Today, physical love and sexuality are commonly framed as primarily avenues for personal pleasure or self-expression and gratification. The world tells us that passion and sex exist to fulfill my desires and satisfy my needs. But, as we have discussed, in God’s design, eros love points in a completely opposite direction. Scripture teaches that in marriage, “the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife, and the wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to the husband” (1 Corinthians 7:4). This is a radical, countercultural concept, because it calls us not to self-indulgence but to mutual submission and sacrificial giving, even of our bodies, to our spouse.

This is one of the many reasons marriage can be challenging. It goes against the fallen flesh. True eros love requires humility. It pushes against our natural human desire to control, dominate, or prioritize our own comfort, pleasures, and appetites. It asks us to surrender, to let go of our claim to ourselves. And many relationships fracture because one or both resist this calling to yield and serve instead of being served.

Yet this surrender is not only toward our spouse; it actually begins with God. Before a Christian husband or wife can give themselves to one another rightly, they must first recognize that my body is not my own; it belongs to the Lord and has been bought with a price. When we offer our bodies and desires to God, we learn how to honor Him by honoring our spouse. In this way, marriage becomes a living reflection of the gospel, a picture of Christ and His church, filled with grace and selfless love.

The most powerful expression of love in Scripture is not simply emotional warmth or romantic attraction; it is sacrifice. Christ’s love for the church is portrayed as a groom’s love for his bride, and it sets the highest vision for eros love. Jesus did not come demanding pleasure or asserting His rights. He came to give, to protect, to serve, and ultimately to lay down His life. On the cross, Jesus demonstrated the essence of holy eros: He submitted to the Father. He offered up His body. He yielded Himself completely for the sake of love. His sacrifice restored the relationship broken by sin and revealed what all forms of perfect love truly look like.

In Christian marriage, then, eros love is meant to echo Christ’s example. It certainly includes passion and physical affection, gifts from God, but it is also tenderness, honor, fidelity, devotion, and spiritual unity. It is a covenantal love that seeks the good of the other above self. And this is always difficult. It is a love that says, “I am yours, and I give myself for your flourishing, not for my gratification.” And this calling is not only for married people. Whether you are single, dating, engaged, or married, the invitation from God is the same: reflect Christ’s selfless love in all your relationships. Treat eros love, and all love, as something sacred instead of superficial. Let your desires be shaped by the one who designed love in the first place, and live out a type of love that gives, instead of one that takes.