Different by DesignSample

When I read 1 Peter 3:7 (ESV), "Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way," it honestly seems like God is playing a joke on us men.

But He's not.

God created us differently by design. Attempting to understand your spouse forces you to step outside your comfort zone and think about someone other than yourself. It's one of the ways God shapes us away from selfishness and toward humility.

Peter gave this instruction specifically to men, probably because we often struggle in this area and need to be more intentional. A woman will more naturally tend to desire to understand her husband. But just because wives aren't specifically mentioned here doesn't mean you don't have to put in any effort. Sorry, you're not off the hook. When you pause to get inside your husband's brain, it will likely be uncomfortable, but beneficial.

This work of understanding isn't easy. And like sanctification, it's a lifelong journey.

Proverbs 20:5 (ESV) says, "The purpose in a man's heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out."

Your spouse has depths you haven't discovered yet. Dreams, fears, hopes, and hurts that are waiting to be drawn out. But it takes effort. It takes curiosity. It takes time. It takes patience.

Philippians 2:3-4 (ESV) tells us, "Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others."

Understanding your spouse means putting aside your preferred way of doing things and learning to see the world through their eyes. It's not about you being right. It's about you being connected.

I like to say that I'm majoring in "Sue-ology." I'm becoming a student of my wife. I'm learning how she thinks, what she needs, and how she experiences the world. And after 36 years, it's still the joy of my life to continue this lifelong study.

1 Peter 3:7 doesn't say your spouse needs to understand you. It says you need to understand your spouse. When you do that, everything changes.

Reflection Question: What is one thing about your spouse that you've never fully understood? How could you learn more about it this week?

Tomorrow: God didn't just make you different from your spouse — He made you uniquely you. Tomorrow we'll explore practical tools to help you understand how God wired each of you.