Strong DadsSample

A Dad Must Be There to Teach His Children

Without wanting to heap guilt on the heads of my masculine readers, I must say that too many fathers only sleep at their homes. And as a result, they have totally abdicated their responsibilities for leadership and influence in the lives of their children.

An article in Scientific American entitled “The Origins of Alienation,” by Urie Bronfenbrenner best describes the problems facing today’s families. Dr. Bronfenbrenner was, in my opinion, the foremost authority on child development in America, and his views should still be considered carefully today. In this article, Dr. Bronfenbrenner discussed the deteriorating status of the American family and the forces that are weakening its cohesiveness. More specifically, he is concerned about the circumstances that are seriously undermining parental love and depriving children of the leadership and love they must have for survival.

One of those circumstances is widely known as the “rat race.” Dr. Bronfenbrenner described the problem this way, “The demands of a job that claim mealtimes, evenings and weekends as well as days; the trips and moves necessary to get ahead or simply to hold one’s own; the increasing time spent commuting, entertaining, going out, meeting social and community obligations ... all of these produce a situation in which a child often spends more time with a passive babysitter than with a participating parent.”

According to Dr. Bronfenbrenner, this rat race is particularly incompatible with fatherly responsibilities, as illustrated by a recent investigation that yielded startling results. A team of researchers wanted to learn how much time middle-class fathers spend playing and interacting with their small children. First, they asked a group of fathers to estimate the time spent with their one-year-old youngsters each day, and received an average reply of fifteen to twenty minutes. To verify these claims, the investigators attached microphones to the shirts of small children for the purpose of recording actual parental verbalization. The results of this study are shocking: The average amount of time spent by these middle-class fathers with their small children was thirty-seven seconds per day! Their direct interaction was limited to 2.7 encounters daily, lasting ten to fifteen seconds each! That, so it seems, represents the contribution of fatherhood for millions of America’s children.

Let’s compare the thirty-seven-second interchanges between fathers and small children with another statistic. The average preschool child watches between 30 and 50 hours of television per week (the figures vary from one study to another). What an incredible picture is painted by those two statistics. During the formative years of life, when children are so vulnerable to their experiences, they’re receiving thirty-seven seconds a day from their fathers and thirty or more hours a week from commercial television! Need we ask where our kids are getting their values?

Someone observed, “Values are not taught to our children; they are caught by them.” It is true. Seldom can we get little Johnny or Mary to sit patiently on a chair while we lecture to them about God and the other important issues of life. Instead, they are equipped with internal “motors” which are incapable of idling. Their transmissions consist of only six gears: run, jump, climb, crawl, slide, and dive. Boys and girls are simply not wired for quiet conversations about heavy topics.

How, then, do conscientious parents convey their attitudes, values, and faith to their children? It is done subtly, through the routine interactions of everyday living. Those kinds of subtle, unplanned interactions account for much of the instruction that passes from one generation to the next. It is a powerful force in shaping young lives, if parents prioritize spending time at home with their kids; if they have the energy to converse with them; if they have anything worthwhile to transmit; if they care.

From Dr. James Dobson’s book, Straight Talk to Men (used with permission).

Teach Your Kids Before the World Does

In today’s culture, the world is quick to fill kids’ minds with its own values and narratives, often leaving parents feeling like they’re playing catch-up. The longer you wait to instill truth and guide your children in the right direction, the harder these become. Don’t let the world take the lead.

Watch this short video from Brenen and Morgan Beeler on practical ways to teach your sons and daughters what’s right before the noise of the world drowns you out. Be encouraged and empowered to shape their hearts and minds!