Undaunted.Life: An Undaunted MarriageSample

DAY 3: DISCIPLINE 

The Elements of an Undaunted Marriage:

1. HEADSHIP

2. DIRECTION

3. DISCIPLINE

“Discipline equals freedom.”

That is the mantra of one of Undaunted.Life’s favorite Americans and thought leaders: retired Navy SEAL Jocko Willink. 

Jocko is a highly respected member of the SEAL community. He was in the Navy for 20 years, and he was awarded the Silver Star and the Bronze Star for his role in the Iraq war. Furthermore, he was the commanding officer for SEAL Team THREE, Task Unit Bruiser, in Ramadi, Iraq; a unit that included Chief Petty Officer Chris Kyle, the deadliest sniper in American military history.

In addition to his military exploits, Jocko is an avid Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu black belt, podcaster, powerlifter, reader, business owner, and author. In fact, in 2015 Jocko co-authored a book with retired SEAL Team THREE Task Unit Bruiser member Leif Babin called Extreme Ownership: How U.S. Navy SEALs Lead and Win, which has since gone on to be a best seller. In the final chapter of Extreme Ownership, Jocko goes into great detail about where the concept of “Discipline Equals Freedom” comes from. 

He introduces the theory by describing some issues his team was having while performing missions in Baghdad, Iraq. Almost all of the operations Jocko’s Task Unit performed were direct-action, capture/kill missions that took place under the cover of darkness. Basically, the team would utilize intelligence gathered from previous missions or by other headquarters to decide when and where to hit certain targets. The team would maneuver to the target location, breach the facility in some way, neutralize enemy combatants, perform battlefield questioning of surviving suspected terrorists/insurgents, and then move on to intelligence/evidence gathering. This is where the issues started to arise for Jocko’s crew…

You see, these men were all tactically squared away when it came to direct-action combat, but things had a tendency to get loose after the most dangerous parts of the mission were behind them. To put it simply, they would get a little sloppy when it came to gathering evidence. They had more of a ransack approach as opposed to a deliberate organizational one. This caused inefficiency when the same room would be searched multiple times by different SEALs, and it also caused ineffectiveness when the SEALs would miss rooms entirely within the target facility because of confusion. Especially when the Iraqi court system began to crack down on the evidence that was gathered during these raids, Jocko knew that something needed to change and fast. 

So, he tasked his Assistant Officer in Charge (AOIC) with developing a new way for their team to efficiently and effectively gather intel. The plan the AOIC came up with seemed rather difficult at first, and the team pretty much fought the new tactics wholesale citing concerns with timing and safety. Essentially, the AOIC devised a plan where individual team members would have individual tasks and that each room would have a designated “Room Owner.” When that individual team member’s room search was complete, the Room Owner would put an “X” on the room label, signifying that the room had been searched. To make a long story short, while the new plan seemed to be complex at the beginning, it was actually very simple once they put it into practice. The simplicity of the plan actually led the team to gather intel in a much more efficient and effective manner, and it cut down the time it took them to complete the intel-gathering phase considerably, which allowed them to better prepare for any potential counterattacks. 

Jocko wraps up the story in this chapter with the following statement: “Our freedom to operate and maneuver had increased substantially through disciplined procedures. Discipline equals freedom.”

Later in the chapter, he writes the following to further the point: “But there was, and is, a dichotomy in the strict discipline we followed. Instead of making us more rigid and unable to improvise, this discipline actually made us more flexible, more adaptable, and more efficient. It allowed us to be creative. When we wanted to change plans midstream on an operation, we didn’t have to recreate an entire plan. We had the freedom to work within the framework of our disciplined procedures. All we had to do was link them together and explain whatever small portion of the plan had changed. When we wanted to mix and match fire teams, squads, and even platoons, we could do so with ease since each element operated with the same fundamental procedures. Last, and perhaps most important, when things went wrong and the fog of war set in, we fell back on our disciplined procedures to carry us through the toughest challenges on the battlefield… So the balance between discipline and freedom must be found and carefully maintained. In that, lies the dichotomy: discipline—strict order, regimen, and control—might appear to be the opposite of total freedom—the power to act, speak, or think without any restrictions. But, in fact, discipline is the pathway to freedom.”

The concept of discipline is something that many of us relegate to the “self” category. When we want things to change in our life, we almost always see self-discipline as the way to achieve that (whether we actually follow through or not). However, I’ve witnessed a nefarious attitude in a lot of men. We will utilize self-discipline when it comes to our physiques: we’ll train hard, we’ll eat clean, and we’ll set goals. We will utilize self-discipline when it comes to our careers: we’ll work diligently, we’ll develop our acumen, and we’ll beat the competition… But what about our marriages?

If we’re being honest, most of us don’t utilize our self-discipline in our marriages. We just don’t. For some of us, we may never have even thought about our marriages in a context that could even include our self-discipline. We just see our marriages as this nebulous thing that just happens, this arrangement that we somehow have to try and make work, or worse, as a chore. But, what if we treated it as something that required effort on our end? What if we looked at our discipline within marriage as something that leads to freedom?

Have you lacked the discipline to eliminate porn from your life? If so, that has created a roadblock to the freedom that couples can experience without the bondage of explicit sexual imagery. You’re letting your flesh drive when you should let the Spirit lead (Galatians 5:16-17). When we think of our heroes, we certainly aren’t thinking of men sitting in front of a computer screen with their pants around their ankles. 

Have you lacked the discipline to have a regular date night with your bride? If so, you are eliminating an incredible opportunity for you to connect with your bride on a regular basis. We know we’re supposed to seek our bride’s hearts and attention, but we just don’t do it. It’s in that laziness where we leave the door open for our Adversary. 

You have an enemy that wants to do nothing more than destroy you (1 Peter 5:8). Beyond that, we’ve already established that the relationship and love that we show to our spouses is the closest thing on earth that we have available to compare to Jesus’ love for His bride (the Church). Thus, it’s easy to surmise that Satan would love nothing more than to tear your marriage to pieces. God is glorified by the holy love you show your bride; Satan is glorified by the ashes of failed marriages. 

Don’t be a fool. Don’t be a loser. Be the man that can say, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith” (2 Timothy 4:7, ESV) without even a hint of irony. 

Be disciplined. Seek freedom. Discipline equals freedom.

Directional action steps for the Undaunted Husband:

1. Define the discipline you need to add to your repertoire.

What is a discipline that you need to add for the sake of your marriage? 

2. Make a plan for how you will get that part of your life under control.

What is the first step you need to take that will help you be more disciplined?  

3. Execute step one of the plan.

What step can you take TODAY that will springboard you on the path to freedom for your marriage?