How To Parent Well After The Loss Of A SpouseSample

Start with God - Brad's Journey

For me, the greatest comfort I found in God was the fact that I knew I could tell Him anything, whether I was happy, sad, confused, or angry. We see King David do the same thing countless times throughout the Psalms. Even if I was angry at God, I knew that He could handle it. I simply always kept talking to Him about how I was feeling.

And that’s what I believe our kids need, as well. They need to know that we will be there to listen to them through it all, no matter what they are feeling. This, of course, applies in many situations outside of grief. But it is especially important during such a trying time. I made it my goal for my kids to feel comfortable telling me anything. I strove to get my attention up whenever it seemed they wanted to talk. We won’t always have words that can comfort them, but just holding them and being there with them and sympathizing with them will show them we are with them no matter what the pain. It can be easy during those times to run away, especially when we don’t have the words to say. But those are the times we really need to press in.

I never knew when a night would descend into tears and pain from one of my children. It most often happened during Bible reading or prayer time, though any random thought could do it. Something would spark a memory, and that would well up a pain in one of my children. Often times, that would spread to the other one, and soon enough, I would be sobbing, too. But, despite the tears, those were some of the best times we had together as a family. Our bond grew deeper, and we all felt validated in how we were dealing with our loss.

Possibly the hardest and most important thing is to have persistence. With every new milestone —and in between—will be a new reminder of the absence in their lives. It’s one of the things that makes grief so difficult. It is unrelenting. We have to be even more unrelenting in being there for our children.