Challenging Your Distorted Thoughts After InfidelitySample

Over-spiritualization

Sandy was devastated when she got a call from the police station: Her pastor-husband, Kelsey, had been arrested for indecent exposure. Her best friend responded by saying, “Kelsey’s arrest may be a blessing in disguise. Through your crisis, the whole church will have an opportunity to grow stronger.”

This type of distorted thinking is called over-spiritualization. It’s hard to describe without seeming to criticize perspectives that, in their proper context, are perfectly legitimate and thoroughly Christian. It’s true that there’s an unseen spiritual dimension that confronts us in life, and God is always working redemptively. But problems arise when we turn this truth into an excuse for refusing to confront the facts.

While it’s true that God will eventually resolve all of our heartaches and suffering, that doesn’t mean He expects us to deny our human experience by putting on a happy face and accepting evil. On the contrary, He wants us to express our thoughts and feelings honestly as we depend on Him for guidance. There are times when it’s important to stand up for yourself and fight back.

Don’t give in to the temptation to jump immediately to a spiritual truth without walking through the healthy process of facing your husband’s betrayal and fall from grace, not to mention the work that will be required to restore your terribly broken marriage. The coping mechanism of over-spiritualizing won’t sustain you through the aftermath of your husband’s sexual infidelity.

All five types of distorted thinking have one thing in common: they are ineffective in solving your marital problems. If they work at all, their effects are only temporary. They can also be demeaning to you and your mate. And in the end, you’re still left without a solution. Like many things in life, the longer something remains broken, the more difficult it is to fix, and secondary problems are created.

The process of discerning God’s will for you and your marriage takes time, and you need help. The powerful love of God will work in your mind and heart as you continue to walk with Him.

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