Parenting With Grace Sample

Grace and Identity

One area in which parenting with grace can have an enormous impact is the area of identity or self-esteem. Cultural forces are undermining biblical norms for our value, our roles, and our function as human beings. The result is mass confusion in children, and a seemingly fruitless and endless search for meaning and purpose. Grace is an antidote to this contemporary societal ill.

As noted earlier, a home is the perfect environment to nurture grace. But if parents have a faulty conception of God, this can result in a dysfunctional home life. A graceless home distorts God’s character in five different ways. It caricatures God as 1) cruel and capricious, 2) demanding and unforgiving, 3) selective and unfair, 4) distant and unavailable, and 5) kind, but confused. * Satan loves to spread these pernicious lies about God, and a defective view of God’s love and grace can lead to a damaged and deficient view of ourselves.

A core message of grace is this: You are valuable to God. You are important to God. You are loved by God. You are cared for by God. When children learn that their value is tied to their achievement, or that love is conditioned on their success, or become aware that they aren’t ‘as good’ as other kids, inevitable failure results in shame, discouragement, and even depression.

My wife has counseled at a crisis pregnancy center for years. A common theme in those facing an uncertain future because of an unexpected and unplanned pregnancy is low self-esteem. They were looking for love in all the wrong places. They view themselves as worth little or nothing, and life holds no meaning or purpose. When the light of God’s love and grace shines into their darkened hearts, it transforms their lives. “I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have drawn you with lovingkindness” (Jeremiah 31:3b).

A grace-filled home gives a biblical view of God: He tirelessly seeks us, He desires intimacy with us, He is long-suffering and patient with us, and when we are weakest, He is strong. Godly parents will communicate this truth to their children often and will model it in their relationship with them. No, we are not God, but His grace will flow through us in a time of need.

*Sandra D. Wilson,Released from Shame: Moving Beyond the Pain of the Past, rev. ed. (Downers Grove, IL: IVP Books, 2002), 141–156.