If I Don't Laugh, I'll Cry by Molly StillmanSample

Pointing the Finger Inward

Growing up I idolized the pursuit of success, achievement, power, and fame. I thought the only thing I’d ever want to do or be good at was to star on Saturday Night Live. After being voted “Class Clown” my senior year of high school, I was voted “Most Likely to Succeed” by my sorority in college. Clearly, this was my path! Sure, I was making people laugh . . . but I wasn’t happy. So when my dreams of moving to New York were thwarted, when I couldn’t get a job, when an improv show I was in bombed, or when I finally realized it was time to step away from comedy, I felt like I had no purpose, and I wondered what I had done wrong.

Money became a temptation to idolize when I suddenly received a quarter-of-a-million-dollar inheritance the day I turned twenty-one. I went from being a nearly broke college student, with no money at my disposal, to suddenly having a lot of it. I thought for sure that all this money would be my ticket to freedom. Financial security would make everything all right. I’d watched my parents struggle financially for years and years. That wasn’t going to be my story!

Almost overnight, the money became central to my existence. I’d suddenly attained the thing I’d dreamt of in my wildest dreams, but every time I spent money, I’d just say, “What’s next?” It was never enough. And then, when it was all gone, when I’d squandered every last penny, I blamed myself. In many ways, rightly so . . . It was my fault, after all.

Pointing the finger at ourselves is another way we tend to react when idols fail to deliver on their empty promises, and that can easily lead to shame and a self-defeating mindset. At times like that, I find it really helpful to remember the promises of God, like those expressed in Hebrews 4:16: “Let us then approach God’s throne with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”

The goodness of His grace is just the thing we need to escape from the blame game.

Heavenly Father, thank You for the gifts of Your grace and mercy, which You have poured out to help me when idols break their promises. Amen.