One Choice Away From Change: Breaking Unhealthy CyclesSample

Getting to the Root of Your Choices

Why is it that the choices we make are often unhealthy, hurtful, or harmful to the relationship, and we make that choice anyway? We know the lie will destroy trust, but we lie anyway. We know a harsh word will wound a friendship, but we unleash it anyway. We know another shopping spree on our credit card will increase our debt, but we shop anyway. We know sending a text or Facebook message to an old high school flame will hurt our marriage, but we hit send anyway. We don’t want to hurt our most precious relationships, but we do it anyway.

Why do we do what we don’t want to do? Wounding relationships by making choices against God’s best isn’t unique to you. Everyone struggles with it. One of Jesus’ most influential followers in human history struggled with the same thing. The apostle Paul told the Romans in his letter to them that he found himself not doing the good he wanted to do and doing the evil he did not want to do. Although he wanted to do good, evil was present instead.

Possibly you can relate to the tension he was describing. You do what you don’t want to do. You don’t do what you want to do. It’s not that we don’t want to make different choices. But more than our desire is needed to break the cycles of our choices.

In my pastoral opinion, I believe we focus on the fruit of our choices and not the root of our choices. Just stop drinking. Just stop cursing. Stop lusting. Stop lying. Just stop sleeping around. Just read your Bible more. Just pray more. Just go to church more. We start with our behavior and hope that it will change our hearts. That philosophy (and, unfortunately, often theology) has left many of us stuck in cycles that continue to bring pain to our relationships and discouragement to our hearts.

If we focus only on the “what” and not the “why” of our choices, we may be able to stop losing our temper for a short period of time. We may be able to tell the truth for a while. We may be able to avoid porn for a season. But until we identify and heal the “why,” in times of stress, uncertainty, or pain, those choices will spring up from the root, whether or not we want them to.

The good news is that you can break the cycle. You can choose something different. You can make one choice that will bring healing to your heart and transformation to your relationships. You can get out of the cycle of insanity of doing the same thing repeatedly, expecting different results.

The key to breaking the cycle is found in our willingness to give up control and adopt a posture of surrender. Choosing to surrender is the one choice that will change everything.

Reflection: What good do I want to do that I struggle to do?

Cycle-Breaking Prayer: Jesus, I come to you with a heart longing for true surrender. I’ve tried to control my life and it’s only led to repeated cycles that are holding me back and hurting my relationships. I can’t break these patterns alone. I need your help. As I go on this journey, help me see the behaviors that hinder my growth and are damaging those I love most. I surrender my fears, doubts, and the need to manage everything. I choose to give all of this to you. Guide, transform, and lead me into renewed purpose and restored relationships. In Jesus’ name, amen.