Healing Family Relationships Through RepentanceSample

The goal of repentance is to seek peace by taking a step toward healing the relationship with your family member. But if we are not careful, even with good intentions, we can cause additional damage. Here are some pitfalls to avoid:

First, avoid saying "I was wrong, but..." After we apologize, we often flip things back onto the other person. "I am sorry I lied to you, but you have been so angry with me lately, and I didn't want to make you more upset." Or "I was wrong to lose my temper like that, but you have a short fuse too!" The first half of these sentences is right on the money, but then they take a negative turn with the two words "but you..." It may be appropriate to address your family member's behavior, but that is for a different conversation, most likely on a different day.

Second, avoid asking "Aren't you going to apologize?" Sometimes, when my heart is angry and defensive, I apologize for something I did wrong with the secret motive of wanting my family member to apologize to me. If your family member chooses to respond to your repentance with a confession of their own, that is an extra blessing in the conversation. However, it is a much wiser course to simply focus on taking responsibility for your part in the conflict and seeking their forgiveness.

Finally, avoid over-apologizing. It is possible to take too much responsibility in a strained relationship. We absolutely should take responsibility for the things we have done wrong, yet we can damage the relationship by apologizing beyond that.

Reflection Question: Which of these pitfalls do you find yourself most susceptible to, and how can you avoid them in your next conversation?