Living With a Strong-Willed Childಮಾದರಿ

Day 10: 5 Tips for Parenting Strong-Willed Teens

Alas, we arrive now at the door of adolescence, that dynamic time of life that comes in with a pimple and goes out with a beard – or, to put it another way, it comes in with a bicycle and ends with a car. It's an exciting time of life, but many parents begin to tremble and quake when their children approach the adolescent years, especially if one or more of them have been the fireball of the family.

With that, I'll offer some ideas and suggestions that relate to all adolescents, including those who are harder to handle.

1. Give teenagers the gifts they hunger for most – respect and dignity! Many school students are brutal to each other. It is not unusual for students to enter middle school as happy, healthy children – and then emerge two years later as broken, discouraged teenagers. If you can communicate kindness to your oppressed and harassed teenagers, even to those who are sullen and difficult, then many of the usual disciplinary problems of adolescence can be circumvented. That is, after all, the best way to deal with people of any age.

2. Pry open the door of communication. Communicating with an angry adolescent can require more tact and skill than any other parenting assignment. Children do far better in school and in life when they spend time with their parents, and specifically when they get together almost every day for conversation and interaction.

3. Keep them moving. Very strong-willed adolescents simply must not be allowed to get bored. Giving them large quantities of unstructured time is asking for trouble. By whatever means, you must find a way to keep their gangly legs churning.

4. Use incentives and privileges to advantage. Since it is unwise (and unproductive) to spank a teenager, parents can only manipulate environmental circumstances when discipline is required. They have the keys to the family automobile (unless the teen has her own car) and can allow their teenager to use it. They may grant permission to go to the beach or to the mountains or to a friend's house or a party. They control the family purse and can choose to share it, loan it, dole it, or close it. It isn't enough, but run with what is available.

5. Above all else, introduce your kids to Jesus Christ and then ground them thoroughly in the principles of your faith. This is job #1. I can't overstate the importance of teaching divine accountability, especially to your strong-willed children. Since their tendency is to test the limits and break the rules, they will need this internal standard to guide their behavior. Not all will listen to it, but many will.

Just between you and God:

As children become adolescents, their hormones are raging, and peer pressure can negatively impact decision-making. Arguments and intense emotions have a tendency to wreak havoc on your relationship. Ask the Lord to help you stay connected to your teen, be patient during the storms, and be confident (not angry) during those difficult times.

Communicating with your strong-willed child is vital, but praying is even more critical. Take time each day to bring his or her name before the throne of heaven. If your teen is not saved, ask God to open that child's eyes to the truth of Jesus Christ and the need for salvation.

Pray these words:

Heavenly Father, my faith is easily tested when my children become defiant. The teen years challenge everything I believe. Give me a strong foundation in You, and help me teach my kids Your Word so that they may follow You. Open their eyes to Your truths and help them see how much You love and care for them. Amen.

From Dr. James Dobson's book, The New Strong-Willed Child

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