Stop the Fighting - Part 1: Breaking the Cycles of Unhealthy ConflictExemplo

A Communication Vacuum

Devotional Content:

One of the things that I thought I did really well in the early part of our marriage was speak. I thought I hit a home run with my words, ideas and thoughts. I could not understand why Nancy was not awed at my wisdom, but she wasn’t. In fact, my wisdom could really get under her skin. Why? It took me a long time to figure this one out. When Nancy was speaking to me, sharing a concern or something that was on her heart, I was not listening. I was thinking about what I was going to say when she stopped talking or what I was going to do once she finished. When I finally opened my mouth and spoke it would have been a minor miracle if I said anything that had to do with what she just shared. I don’t think it was a conscious choice, but over time, she quit listening to me. Now we were in a communication vacuum and we were stuck.

We needed to start over. We needed to commit to speaking clearly when something was important to one of us and we needed to learn to listen well to each other and I needed to take the lead since I was the one that got us off track in the first place. This is what happened. We both began to do a better job of speaking in a way that the other could hear. Nancy was all about information so I needed to touch all the bases when I was sharing something with her. I was all about being affirmed. I wanted to know she was interested in what I was saying. Then we both worked at really focused listening and making sure we really heard and understood what was said. Was there effort?  Yes. Was there work? Yes. Was it all worth it? Absolutely!

Today’s Challenge: 

If you really want your spouse to hear what you are saying, what do you need to do as the speaker?

Going Deeper:

Think together about the distractions that make it difficult for the two of you to speak and listen well. What can you do to eliminate these?