Repair & Restore: 5-Day Devo for Moms & DaughtersExemplo

The Dance of Reconciliation 

When it comes to words, every one of them matters. Some words will be a blessing, and some will be a judgment or a curse. A curse is words that are spoken that don’t align with God’s thoughts of you. The subtle message attached to or behind your words also conveys a blessing, judgment, or a curse. Listening and speaking to your mother or daughter—or others about her—affects your relationship. Your words can also create a ministry of reconciliation between the two of you. 

Some of the words to reconsider saying to one another are “you never,” “you always,” “if only,” and “you should.” These are blanketed statements that place shame on the other person and convey the message they didn’t get it right. These words don’t promote reconciliation—they tear down the other person. 

There are two scripts that have been successful in bringing about reconciliation:

• Extend an invitation: “I want us to have a good (healthy, great) relationship. We do have a problem, but I believe we can make repairs. What do you think we need to do to make things better?”

• The Relational Sandwich: “I long for a great relationship with you (top bun). Even though we have/share some real concerns (hard middle), I believe we can begin some repairs and make things better (bottom bun).” Then add, “What do you think we need to do to make things better?”

It takes courage to speak. But your heart is wishing for repair, and these conversation starters create an equal playing field for both of you. When we say something positive before we share our concerns, we open the door to reconciliation. We open the door even wider when we first ask permission to share our concerns. 

If your efforts to communicate are met with silence, don’t lose heart. Sometimes these things can take time. Reconciliation is a dance. The relationship of a mother and daughter is an even more delicate dance. Women catch every nuance about a sentence: the tone of voice, the timing of a response, any harshness, any control, any (false) pride. We are even super observers of the unsaid. The dance of the unspoken things is obvious for those who read body language!

As mother and daughter, one of us usually bends to the other—even small expressions can have an effect, and the one who is leading, as in a dance, helps move you toward unity or a place of coming together. Even just a few words that aren’t full of emotion have the power to open the door for change. One mom texted her daughter to ask her what they shared or had in common. It opened the door for further conversation when they least expected it after a long season of not communicating. What can you do to initiate words with your mom or daughter?