Ready or Not for Foster & Adoptive FamiliesExemplo

 DAY 5: Pure Motives

Adoption is popular. It’s become one of the “it” topics in church, at church conferences, and among our peer groups. Even celebrities are doing it. In many circles, adopted children have become a cute accessory to carry around, post pictures of on social media and answer questions about in order to appear selfless and draw in the admiration of others. Adopting children of a different race is especially adorable.

You may want to dismiss everything I wrote in the preceding paragraph as cruel, but let’s face it: in America, adoption is currently en vogue. When adoption becomes fashionable, children suffer. Equally important, parents suffer. The idea of living like the Joneses may sound appealing, but the reality of adoption is anything but glamorous. Digging into the reasons—the real reasons—you want to adopt is critical. You should ask yourself the crucial questions about your motives, look deep inside, and accept the honest answers. Only then will God begin to minister to your heart. 

Even in foster care, which isn’t nearly as popular as adoption, our motives must be evaluated. Foster parents, by necessity, live a different kind of life. Birthparent visits, court visits, countless forms, social workers, CASA volunteers and more. To be a foster parent requires you to lay aside the idea of normal in your family and routine. If your motives aren’t carefully examined; your journey will be extremely difficult. There are many reasons that people enter foster care – to provide a temporary place of healing for a hurting child, to supplement their finances, to work with families in crisis or as an entry point to adoption. Regardless of the motive for entering foster care or adoption, it’s imperative that you examine your decision carefully.

Whether it’s a “rescue the children” reason, an “add to our family” reason, a “look at how good I am” reason, or a genuine call of God to bind up wounds and provide restoration, only you and God can decide. Each of us has a motive for pursuing foster care and adoption. For my husband and me, our initial motivator was adding to our family. It’s our responsibility as believers to guard our hearts against selfish ambitions or vain conceit. 

Unexamined motives set us up for failure. Unvoiced expectations come back to haunt us as disappointment, frustration and discouragement. Many times the core of our discontent can be traced back to an unmet expectation that we had when we entered the process. But if your motives are like those described in 1 Timothy 1:5—to open yourself to God and love, uncontaminated by self-interest or counterfeit faith—you’ll have no expectation but to see Jesus Christ glorified through your efforts and trials. This gives you the freedom to really love and the ability to release any guilt or frustration in difficult moments.

Whatever your motive, I want to make one thing clear: caring for children who’ve experienced abuse, rejection and trauma is hard. This is really, really hard work. But you aren’t alone. 

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I encourage you to spend time with your spouse (or a trusted friend if you're single) to ask and answer the following questions.

Discussion Questions – Day 5: Pure Motives

1. What are your reasons for entering foster care or adoption? How was God involved in your decision?

2. Today’s devotion says, “To be a foster parent requires you to lay aside the idea of normal in your family and routine; if your motives aren’t carefully examined, your journey will be extremely difficult.” Respond to that statement. Do you agree? Why or why not?

3. 1 Timothy 1:5 talks about love contaminated by self-interest. What are some ways that fostering or adopting can be contaminated by self-interest? How can you protect your heart from them?

4. If unexamined motives set us up for failure, what is one thing you can do this week to examine or re-examine your motives for getting involved in foster care or adoption? What can this group do to support you or hold you accountable?