Free Looks Good on You: Healing the Soul Wounds of Toxic LoveExemplo

Whether it’s a relationship with your spouse, fiancé, a current boyfriend or an ex, because of the emotional bonds that develop, romantic relationships with men have the capacity to cause the deepest soul wounds. And no matter how difficult the betrayal or rejection was or still is, you know you’re supposed to forgive, but how do you let go of the pain and move past the memories? 

Those that mean well may advise you to kiss and make up or just get over it, but does that mean the offense is gone? Are you really over it? Or are you just stuffing the pain? 

For some the hurt is obvious. An angry scowl. A hateful stare or harsh words. Others feel ashamed of their anger and don’t want to admit they're resentful. Like the extra five pounds concealed by Spanx, they stuff the hurt inside. Repressed anger has a way of oozing out, however, often in physical ailments

From the outside, I looked like I had it all together. I went to church, read my Bible, and memorized scripture. I had verses taped on my mirror and owned a library of Christian books. I even joked that all my coffee cups were saved since they were each embellished with my favorite scriptures. 

But with all of my efforts to live right, my body and soul were a wreck. I thought forgiveness excused the offense, so I justified my misery and clung tighter to the pain. And that pain grew deep roots of bitterness and manifested in migraines, backaches, and high blood pressure. When I chose not to forgive, the anger not only affected me emotionally and spiritually, it infected my body as well. 

What I didn’t realize is that my bitterness gave the devil a foothold (Ephesians 4:27). The word foothold used in this verse comes from a Greek word topos which means an inhabited place, a license, or a quarter. My bitterness gave the devil permission to torment me. I gave him a room or headspace if you will. He couldn’t possess me since I was a Christian, but he gladly came with his troop of terror and weighed me down with frustration, anxiety, and despair. He also invaded my body with a barrage of health issues, anxiety, and depression. 

Physicians could only treat my symptoms with prescriptions and medication, but the Great Physician helped me heal through scripture and meditation. It took a lot of effort and tons of courage, but with God’s help, I learned how to dig up the roots of bitterness and begin the healing process. It’s my hope that my journey through forgiveness will help you find your own freedom as well. 

Just getting over it is bad advice. But if you stick with me, I’ll help you get through it and become stronger as a result. When you release the roots of bitterness to God, the curse becomes a cure.