Peace After Combat - Healing the Spiritual & Psychological Wounds of WarExemplo

Recognizing Twisted Guilt

Twisted guilt is blaming yourself for an external event over which you had no control. More specifically, you take on responsibility because you felt you could’ve or should’ve done more or known better to prevent the injury or death of your brother- or sister-in-arms.

Twisted guilt is faulty because it occurs when you falsely convince yourself that you had control of external events. We never have control of external events, only influence over them. This sort of guilt makes us prone to self-punishment as a means to reconcile our perceived wrongs.

To contrast, actual guilt occurs when your chosen behavior directly and negatively impacts another. For example, imagine a person receiving a letter explaining he owes $20,000 to the IRS. When he walks into his house, he’s so angry at the IRS that he kicks his happy dog and then he feels bad. This is true guilt because the person had full control of his emotional response (internal stimuli) and yet he chose to let negative emotions erupt and he hurt an innocent bystander: the dog. This person could have chosen to behave differently.

Remind yourself: Your intention was to bring everyone home to his or her family. You did your best with the limited knowledge you had at that time. You cannot hold your past self accountable for what you know now. That’s absurd!

The enemy, or Satan, loves your twisted guilt because it destroys your family, it destroys your connection to God, and ultimately it destroys you! The enemy plants a toxic seed in your mind, and you choose to water that seed by allowing yourself to experience shame, self-isolation, substance abuse, anger, twisted guilt, thoughts of unworthiness—the list goes on. It slowly eats you from the inside out as you push everyone out of your life until you’re alone in the darkness of your own despair. 

Don’t allow the enemy to win this battle; fight it for the sake of those who love you and, of course, for yourself. Here are four courses of action you can take:

Be ready. God knows that twisted guilt is a favorite weapon of the enemy so He gives us a warning. (Reread 1 Pet. 5:8.)

Don’t be afraid. The Lord knows what’s in your heart and all your intentions. God knows the difference between true guilt and twisted guilt. (Reread 1 John 3:19–20.)

Release it. God wants us to make peace with our past to make room for a new beginning. The past can easily be forgiven if you allow it. (Reread Isa. 43:18–19.)

Understand. Don’t pay mind to the lies of the enemy. Focus on God’s truth and it will set you free. (Reread 2 Cor. 10:5.)