Boundaries

Think about the last time you heard the word intimacy. Was the person using it to describe the close connection between God and your soul? Most likely the word was used in reference to sex. In our world today, the message of our culture is that if you want to satisfy your deep inner urge for intimacy, sex is the only way to do it.  

In 1 Corinthians 6, the apostle Paul dealt with the confusion around sex that was ransacking the church. Accustomed to a society that encouraged sexual experimentation and expression, the believers at the time saw sex simply as a physical appetite, like food for the stomach (1 Corinthians 6:12–14). Three times in this passage Paul wrote, “Do you not know?” In other words, misinformation can have tragic consequences. Your thirst for intimacy can lead you further away from what can actually satisfy your heart. He also introduced a critically important truth: “The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord” (verse 13). True satisfaction comes from God himself and sharing in his holiness.

Paul taught that sex in marriage is a gift from God but that it’s not an end in itself. The body is meant for the Lord (verse 13), and whoever is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him (verse 17). Just as a man and a woman are fused together through the act of sex, and the lines between where one begins and the other ends are blurred, so faith in Christ connects the Spirit of God to the spirit of man. The two are fused into one, and the lines between where God begins and man ends are blurred. This is the gift of eternal life! It is the truest, deepest answer to your heart’s cry for intimacy.  

We live in an era where stretching the boundaries is celebrated, but not all boundaries are meant to be broken. Sometimes the bravest thing to do is to commit yourself to live within boundaries. God’s boundaries are not intended to limit your life but widen it. Just as guardrails are placed along a highway to keep you safe and on track, every limit he commands is for your benefit. Scripture teaches at least four specific boundaries that must be embraced for your heart to ever be satisfied.

Boundary 1: The boundary of a flawed soul. The first step toward freedom and victory is not choosing your own path but acknowledging your own brokenness. Sin has distorted the soul, and each of us is flawed and broken beyond repair, which means that you can’t trust yourself in the area of sexuality and you can’t figure out your own way. You are not a good person who needs to be made better or even a bad person who needs to be made good. According to Jesus, you are a dead person who can come alive only by his power (John 5:25). 

Boundary 2: The boundary of real accountability. Accountability is the direct acknowledgment to another person that you need help. In this context, accountability means finding a mature follower of Jesus of the same gender who is living in victory and inviting him or her into your mess. First, confess to this person your areas of struggle with sexual sin. Then, commit to talking regularly about your areas of weakness until you see habitual victory.

Boundary 3: The boundary of a future picture. In moments of temptation, take the time to write out or think through a picture of the future. What will be the result of following through on sexual temptation? What will life be like when it’s over? Consider the guilt, the shame, and the loss of spiritual confidence.

Boundary 4: The boundary of resurrection power. Jesus didn’t leave us helpless in the area of sexual temptation. He put his Spirit within us, giving us the power to say no when temptation knocks. The key to accessing that power is first understanding that you have it.

As you develop these four boundaries, a new freedom will emerge. You will experience a nearness to God that is not experienced any other way. The counterintuitive truth of sexual boundaries is that these limits don’t actually limit you—they liberate! As you practice them, sexual boundaries will increase your joy and deepen your relationships.