Permanent MarkersExemplo

Identity is about kids internalizing the gospel, God’s all-the-way love, as their source of worth rather than in finding their identity in what they have, what they’ve done, or who people say they are.

Until their self-worth is firmly rooted in Christ, even in prayer or devotions they could be attempting to prove themselves, like the Pharisee in Jesus’s parable: “God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector” (Luke 18:11). That man’s heart was duplicitous; he was praising God with his lips, but essentially declaring his own worthiness: God’s sure lucky to have me on his team! Who our kids are in secret before God, when they have internalized their identity in him, is who they are. And nothing more.

Throughout Scripture, Jesus addresses people’s soul holes. I see him dialoguing not because he needs answers, but because he longs to relate, to help us feel known, and to help us explore what’s in us. He knew Zacchaeus needed to be seen (Luke 19:4-6), that blind Bartimaeus needed to articulate his longing to be healed (Mark 10:46-50), and that the man lowered through the roof by his friends needed his heart healed more than his legs (Luke 5:17-26).

A note on this: Finding worth and identity in God—not in oneself—requires a level of vulnerability and self-understanding that won’t come easily to most kids. They’re learning to cover shame like most adults already have. Time and a display of our own vulnerability form a “safe place,” welcoming our kids out of hiding. Habits of authenticity require pursuing our kids through quality time, intentionality, and persistence.

Shedding shame to embrace personhood in Christ will be the struggle of our kids’ lives like it is with our own. Like me, you probably wish you could teach your kids everything you’ve learned in your decades, hopefully saving them the grief (and, sheesh, the embarrassment). But let’s start with basic truth for them to build on: This is who God says you are.