Conflict Resolution

Conflict is inevitable in any close relationship. No two people will think, feel, or behave exactly alike. Because conflict is inevitable, couples must discuss how they will navigate it. Today, we’ll share tips and tricks for working through conflict productively and respectfully.

The first step in any conflict is sharing what you think and feel. We can’t assume that our partner is a mind reader, so tell your partner what’s bothering you. Be honest and “speak the truth in love.” That means keeping the volume down, staying calm, and using a respectful tone.

Keep the conflict simple. Try to limit the conversation to one singular conflict that you both acknowledge as the present issue. Don’t bring up old arguments or delve into the entire history of your relationship. Slow down and focus on the issue that’s affecting you today. Allowing the disagreement to go “global” complicates the discussion and prevents you from solving the conflict at hand.

Sometimes, the best thing you and your partner can do is simply agree to disagree. Not everything is worth the conflict, so choose which battles are worth fighting and which ones are not. Keep things in perspective by asking yourself if this conflict will matter one year from now, ten years from now, or even next week. If it will matter in the future, be willing to negotiate and compromise, remaining solution oriented. If what you wish to say will not contribute to a solution or a compromise, then it’s probably best left unsaid.

When emotions start to run high, consider revisiting the issue later once both of you have had time to calm down and gain perspective. Amid conflict, prayerfully recall the positive and joyful experiences you have shared—if you can. Easier said than done.

What matters most—always—is honoring and preserving the unity that God has given to us. We must learn to appreciate, accept, and respect the great promise that nothing can separate us from the love of God. There will be times when we won’t like our spouse or their behavior, but true love is steadfast.

Ask God to help the two of you agree without hurting one another. Develop a strategy to resolve conflict. If that strategy doesn’t work, reassess and be prepared to try a new approach.