I'm a Terrible Person!

If you only knew what I did in the past…

How many of us have said that before, particularly when we begin to think about there is no way that God can forgive us, let alone love us? The negative self-talk is something I am all too familiar with and even now I find seasons of life where the glass is always half full and the other half seems to be filled with vinegar.

When I think about the mistakes I’ve made, the sins I’ve committed, and the people I’ve hurt, I come to the conclusion that at my core I’m a terrible person and there is no way God can use me. In fact, if I were to simply stay there with my thinking, then the evil one would win and he would have one less adversary to deal with.

When I get to scriptures like this in Isaiah it does comfort that, even with all of the amazing prophecies he proclaimed at the beginning, he saw himself as a wreck. If I were the evil one, a tool I would use to keep people from doing what God calls them to do is to make them feel like they are unworthy of responding to the call. However, I began to flip that thought on its head and a great way that helps is to simply remember the Gospel. In reality, all of these negative thoughts and ideologies began after the fall.

As I reflect on the link between these negative thoughts and forbidden fruit, I see the negative thoughts as a continuation of the massive ripple between man's divine design and man’s narcissistic desires and narcissistic wallowing. It strikes me that when God works through a man, God has no choice but to work through imperfect vessels trying to be more perfect.

When I have those thoughts that I am a terrible person, I remember what Jesus did for me on that cross, and how at the core we all fall short of the glory of God. So the harsh reality is we all are terrible people. Yet by the grace of God, we have been redeemed through the saving power of Jesus’ blood. That changes everything about everything and it is that reality that I have to remind myself often - that I am not my own and that, by choosing to walk with Him daily, that is my identity.

That is a massive change in mindset and takes daily practice to overcome. I have no choice but to accept and try to move on from my flawed nature. It starts with recognizing that yes we are indeed sinners (terrible in our context) and what we need more than confidence, money, or assurance is a Savior. When we recognize that need, we must then flip to the powerful Truth that Jesus fulfilled this in every way and the new identity is waiting for us the moment we choose to pick up our cross and follow Him.

Questions to Consider

1. Considering the idea that God works through imperfect vessels, how does this understanding help you accept your flaws and still see yourself as capable of fulfilling God's purposes?
2. When negative self-talk and feelings of inadequacy overwhelm you, how can daily practice and reflection on Jesus' saving grace help reinforce your new identity in Christ, moving beyond the "terrible person" narrative?