Day 4: The Root of Grief

As we continue through the story of David, we learn that David becomes friends with Saul’s son, Jonathan.

Actually, the Bible says that Jonathan made a covenant with David, which is much deeper than just a connection.

This is the very first covenantal relationship David has ever formed. This was the first person to say to David, “I get you and I understand you.”

Then Jonathan dies.

Imagine that.

His leader is actively trying to kill him, his prophet doesn’t see his potential, his dad doesn’t think enough of him to present him to the prophet, and his own brothers don’t think enough of him to advocate for him. Then, the one person who understands him and draws near to him dies.

So David says, “I’ll fight.” He fought the lion, the bear, Goliath, and Goliath’s brothers. He went on exploits and continued to fight and fight and fight.

You may be just like David.

You may think, "No one is coming to rescue me, so I will fight for myself. No one is going to help me, so I will help myself. No one is going to be there for me, so I will be there for myself."

The people who constantly say, “I will just do it myself,” reveal how wounded they really are. They are often the ones who have not dealt with the root of rejection, but dealing with rejection now becomes harder when coupled with grief.

David dealt with rejection but never went through a process. David dealt with the loss of his friend but never grieved properly. He was also betrayed by Saul, but never grieved properly.

There is a time for everything and there is a time for mourning if you have lost someone.

Anytime you defer grief, you multiply it. Multiplied grief manifests in many different ways like in chronic illnesses, fatigue, and disruptions in sleep patterns.

You must allow yourself to grieve and grieve properly. When you do not grieve properly, there is often reliance on vices and coping mechanisms like alcohol, partying, sex, drugs, etc. These things lead to bondage and addiction while multiplying the actual grief.

Grief must be addressed and processed with God and with those that He appoints to help, like counselors.

Oftentimes, the family members that we feel are toxic are displaying behaviors that stem from unhealed grief. Maybe they experienced trauma on top of rejection, didn't have the tools to properly process it, and did what they could to cope. You may be ready to cut them off completely but consider what their roots are so that you can understand them and also understand what you must overcome personally.