DAY 3: A Safe Distance

Early in the training regimen, prospective lifeguards are reminded about personal safety. A hero complex can get you killed. Lifeguards are taught to keep a safe distance, but still reach out.

If you’ve ever watched a television show or a movie where a lifeguard scenario plays out, it's almost always done wrong. (I’m looking at you, Baywatch.) What we typically see is a lifeguard running down the beach in slow motion as the dramatic music builds, his tanned skin glistening, her sun-kissed hair blowing in the ocean breeze. Then, they dive into the ocean, swim out to the struggling swimmers, throw them on their hip, and bravely swim them to the shore. If the person is unconscious, they immediately proceed to do CPR – also very incorrectly – but I’ll let that go for now.

It all makes for wonderful television drama, but, in the real world, it’s an example of all the things they teach you not to do in an actual rescue scenario.

Aquatic Victim Instead of Rescuer

Every year, there are numerous reports of people attempting to aid a drowning victim only to drown themselves. It’s so common, there’s an official name for it – Aquatic Victim Instead of Rescuer (AVIR) syndrome.

Drowning victims, even children and especially adults, are dangerous. A panicked person will exhibit enormous strength aided by a surge of adrenaline and desperation. They will instinctively grab onto and even climb on top of another person – pushing them below the surface in the process – all to keep their own head above water.

They will put you down to remain on top.

As such, even professionally trained lifeguards are instructed, whenever possible, to avoid contact with a drowning victim. Instead, they are taught to use rescue cans, tubes, or ring buoys. This equipment allows the lifeguard to maintain a safe boundary between the victim and the rescuer.

I’ve had to make a rescue (in drills only, thankfully) of another adult without the aid of flotation devices, and it was terrifying. In my first attempt, I swam up to the instructor (a very fit 200-pound man who played the role of a drowning victim). I offered reassuring words that I was there to help him when he suddenly lunged at me and grabbed my arms. Before I even realized what was happening, he had pulled into his body, wrapped his arms around me, pushed me under the surface, and was sitting on my shoulders, his legs locked around my neck. In real life, I would have drowned thirty seconds later after exhausting all my oxygen and energy in a desperate but futile attempt to escape his grasp before an involuntary gasp of water filled my lungs. The news would have reported two deaths, one from drowning, and the other from AVIR syndrome.

I learned an important lesson that day. When someone is drowning, don’t engage. Keep a safe distance. It’s good to help those in need, but my safety matters too.

If you have people in your life who are drowning, offer help, but remember that your personal wellness is important too. Maintain healthy boundaries. Don’t become another rescuer-turned-AVIR.

When double drownings occur, no one ever blames the original drowning victim. And why should we? They behave exactly as one would expect from someone who is drowning and fearful for their life. They’ll put others down to remain on top.

In the same way, we should not be so surprised when hurt people behave in hurtful ways toward us and others. The people in your life who put you down – either in word or deed – they are drowning.

Hurt people hurt people. Healthy people heal.

If you have been hurt by someone else, whether past or present, I need you to understand that it is not about you. It is about them. When someone mistreats you or wrongs you in some way, it says nothing about you. But it says everything about them.

They are drowning and they're doing exactly what drowning people do, desperately pushing others down to try to stay afloat. Yes, it’s a completely irrational response. In his right mind, a drowning victim would see a rescuer coming and calmly cooperate in order that they both might return safely to shore. But the fight-or-flight response tells a different story.

When you aim to help those closest to you during their challenging seasons and they respond to you in irrational and hurtful ways, remember this: it’s not personal. Hurt people hurt people. In those moments, keep a safe distance. Don’t get pulled into the drama of another and sacrifice your own well-being. If you’re struggling to stay afloat, stop helping. Don’t let them drown you too.

REFLECTION

When someone is drowning, don't engage. Keep a safe distance. It's good to help those in need, but your safety matters too. How might you apply this practice in your own life?