Trials: Discipling Your Kids Through Tough TimesExemplo

“Jesus never promised you that life is going to be easy; He promised you that life is going to be hard.” —Lynn Cowell, ParentingTeensSummit.com interview

“I’m so glad I’m going through this” is not something a struggling teen is likely to say. It’s much more common to hear things like, “God must be punishing me for…” or “When will I be happy again?”

Yes, suffering and trials are not fun. But Jesus, Paul, and Peter all guarantee that they’re coming for believers (John 15:20, 2 Tim 3:12, 1 Pet 4:12). So how are we supposed to deal with suffering? And how do we impart a biblical perspective of pain to our children?

James offers insight through today’s Scripture. He’s writing to his fellow Jews who have suffered the loss of their homeland. Amidst this, they look to James for wisdom. Notice what he doesn’t do: offer platitudes, tell them to find the silver lining, or simply say he’s praying for them. 

Rather, he gives a surprising command: to consider trials as pure joy. Whoa, what? He doesn’t say to find the joy within the trial or to wait for the post-trial joy. He says to view the trial itself as pure (i.e. perfect, unadulterated) joy. And he tells us why we should do this: because the testing of our faith produces perseverance, which in turn produces maturity and completeness.

James understands the point of life: to be brought back to the flourishing and wholeness for which God originally designed us. This happens through sanctification, which means testing and trials (see Acts 14:22, 1 Pet 4:14, Rom 5:1-5, Phil 3:7-11).

However, our culture says we’re here to be as happy as possible (see “Happy” by Pharrell Williams). It’s no wonder that when bad things happen, our reflex is to recoil, trying to alleviate the pain as much as possible. Pain and happiness are opposites, so why continue to suffer?!

But joy and happiness are not the same. Happiness is a fleeting emotion based on circumstances, whereas joy is “the awareness of God’s grace and favor,” which never changes. What a different perspective James offers!

Notice that he doesn’t offer this solution for the distant future. Everything—joy, wholeness, and completion—is offered in a trial. So wishing to avoid suffering is wishing ourselves to a place where God is not.

Ask your kids: How do your friends respond when bad things happen? How do you respond to them when they’re going through tough times? Are you worried about going through hard times? Why or why not?

Dig deeper: Click here to watch more of Lynn Cowell’s interview on discipling teens through suffering.