Radical Wisdom: A 7-Day Journey For HusbandsSample

Submission to Oneness

Submit may be the most controversial word in the Bible, especially when it’s used by a man talking about a woman. Submission doesn’t come naturally. Start telling your wife how she’s supposed to submit to you and you’ll find yourself celibate—and not because you meant to be.

What God has for us in marriage isn’t found in making anyone do anything. It’s not about the requirement that the husband do “X” so the wife will do “Y” or vice versa. The jewel we’re digging for is oneness. Voluntary, not obligatory. Filling, not draining.

As a husband, I feel oneness when I know I measure up. When she lets me know I have what it takes and when she listens to me.

She feels oneness when she feels cherished. When she feels loved, lovely, and lovable. Accepted and not criticized. When she feels my focused attention.

So . . . instead of battling over who goes first . . . whether love brings submission or vice versa, why not make it mutual?

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” (Ephesians 5:21)

Instead of doing things for the sake of our marriage, what would happen if we created an imaginary third party called oneness? What if we started thinking, for the sake of oneness, I’m going to pass up the temptation to snap back to what she just said. For the sake of oneness, I’m going to let him off for forgetting that thing I asked him to do. For the sake of oneness . . .

Recognize it’s oneness you both want. Oneness “out of reverence for Christ,” Who put the two of you together in the first place.

Question: “Out of reverence for Christ,” will you do what it takes to pursue oneness with your wife?