Challenging ConversationsSample

Aggressor, Avoider or Advocator

Most Christians are better at avoiding an issue than they are at confronting one. But if we think about it, does avoiding challenging conversations contribute to the unity of the church? It does not. In looking within my own heart, I also found a reluctance to have difficult conversations with others, and I had to move through that.

I began gathering the top reasons why Christians avoid addressing controversial topics with people they don’t see eye to eye with. What I found is that their avoidance typically boils down to these three excuses: ignorance, defensiveness, and discomfort. These three excuses further break down into two types of characters with different approaches to conversations: the aggressor, who speaks down to people and dominates the conversation, and the avoider, who is reluctant to do or say anything.

But the aggressor and the avoider are not exemplary characters and don’t align with Christian living. Instead, I would like you to picture yourself taking on an entirely different character and approach.

Instead of dodging or attacking people, see yourself engaging with and loving people and being willing to have challenging conversations with them. I want you to envision becoming an advocator of God’s truth.

To stop responding with aggression or avoidance, you will need to learn how to become an advocator of God’s truth. You will need to become a conversant Christian who speaks the truth in love and is skilled at navigating the cultural milieu with boldness and discernment.

This will require a great deal of spiritual discipline on your part, especially if you are accustomed to being an aggressor or an avoider. But in time, you will start experiencing a greater love for God, and the respect you learn to carry for others will make your relationships far more productive and cherished than if you remained ignorant, prideful, or uncomfortable.

To become an advocator, you will need to gain knowledge regarding the controversial issues we’ll introduce this week and learn how to use the three tactics that will help you handle any challenging conversation: relate (personalize the conversation), investigate (analyze the conversation), and translate (harmonize the conversation).

It is my heartfelt prayer that this journey of becoming an advocator of God’s truth not only transforms your thinking but also inspires you to advance the kingdom of God through more conversations with people inside and outside the church.

Do you tend to be more of an aggressor or avoider when challenging conversations emerge? Are you willing to ask God to help move you in the direction of becoming an advocator?