Self Care After Discovering Infidelity in Your MarriageSample

Keep it Between the Ditches

Ahead of you lies a road that represents the path of a healthy woman walking with the Lord along a difficult part of life’s journey. As long as you stay toward the center of this road, you remain stable. But caution and vigilance are necessary because deep ditches border both sides of the road.

On one side is the ditch of passivity. If you fall into that ditch, you live each day trying to keep the peace and not rock the boat. Above all, you are determined not to upset your husband. As a result, you’re reticent to confront his destructive actions and attitudes and are seldom willing to stand up for yourself. You are likely insecure and, perhaps, depressed. During a crisis, you revert to a sense of helplessness. You may be a highly competent and confident woman in other areas of your life but still feel powerless in your marriage. Passivity communicates, “You win. I lose.”

On the other side of the road is the ditch of aggression. Here, you become angry and defiant. You assume your marriage can never be saved. You get tough and do whatever it takes to survive. You strive to protect yourself and to hurt your husband as much as he has hurt you. Aggression communicates, “I win. You lose.”

Between the ditches is a level road called “assertion.” This road is paved with biblical principles that offer hope and healing for you, your husband, and your marriage. As you walk on this road, God will lead you to seek mutual cooperation and partnership. Godly assertion communicates, “I win. You win.”

People are often confused about the definition of “assertiveness.” The church sometimes promotes a view of submissiveness that is really passivity in disguise. Assertiveness means asking for what you want in a manner that respects others. It is a willingness to speak the truth in love, with confrontation if necessary, as Ephesians 4:15 explains: “Speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ.”

Both you and your husband have the greatest opportunity to interact with God and to heal your relationship when you choose this path.

Next, we’ll look at how to practice self-care.