What Do You Think About Yourself?

I can really struggle with how I think about myself. In fact, I’ve named the speaker of these negative thoughts in my mind: Fred. Fred in my head. And Fred is a jerk. Do you have a Fred in your head? If so, does he criticize your appearance, your parenting, your intelligence, your social skills, your work, etc.? Or maybe your Fred is a different kind of jerk. Maybe he tells you that you are the hero of every story, even stories in which you aren’t.

So what does this have to do with marriage? Everything. Because what you think about yourself radically determines how your spouse experiences you—and that radically affects your marriage.

Fred’s words can make you nervous, anxious, insecure, worried, frustrated, and lonely, or even self-centered, callous, or unkind—which aren’t exactly adjectives that describe a spouse ready to love and serve, or even able to receive love, for that matter.

When we listen to Fred, it’s painful, often leading us to respond in unhealthy ways. However, the most concerning thing about Fred is that he can become louder than the voice of God.

But there is a massive amount of hope. You don’t have to listen to Fred; you can change your mind. Let’s try it. Imagine your Fred has just said something nasty to you.

Now let this wash over you:

The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father” (Romans 8:15 NIV).

Based on that verse, here’s the first intentional thought . . .

Intentional Thought #1: Remember who I am.

When we remember who we are, there’s an impact. It soothes. It matters to our souls, our brains, our bodies, and, ultimately, our marriage.

Think About It

• What is the last nasty thing Fred said to you?
• What would your Abba say that to you?

Read More

Check out Romans 8:6 and Psalm 139:14.