What Do You Think About Your Spouse?

What are you telling yourself about your spouse? It’s crucial to know because how you think about your spouse will determine how you treat your spouse.

A brain study of couples who reported being madly in love after an average of 21 years found one of the commonalities of happy couples’ brains was an area of the brain responsible for positive illusion. Positive illusion is the ability to focus on what you love about your spouse, and not focus on what you don’t. The great news: we can all start to think more positively toward our spouse with just a little intentionality. Here's an effective way to focus your thoughts about your spouse: the Philippians 4:8 filter.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things (Philippians 4:8 NIV).

For all of you realists, I want to point out the first word in that list to guide your thoughts: true. God, in no way, wants you to live a lie or put yourself in harm’s way by not taking steps to defend yourself from any type of abuse. But the truth also helps us acknowledge what is good about our spouse and our situation. The 4:8 filter helps you know it.

Changing how you think about your spouse can change how you treat your spouse. So here is the next intentional thought . . .

Intentional Thought #2: See the best.

When you are frustrated with your spouse, repeat this phrase to yourself: See the best. Then consider what that means. When you see the big picture of what you love about your spouse, it keeps the little annoying things from robbing the relationship. So it’s worth your time to stop and see the best.

Think About It

On a document, journal, or a note on your phone, run your spouse through the lens of Philippians 4:8.

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Check out James 4:1–2.