Raising a Boy to Be a ManSample

Raising a Boy Who Respects Authority

My son is 20 years old now, and our relationship looks much more like friendship than it did when he was younger.

As much as I might have wanted to have a friendship with my son when he was little, as a child, he didn’t need me to be his friend. He needed me to be his father. He needed to first learn to respect my positional authority before our relationship could grow beyond that.

While it’s wise to share the reasoning behind decisions as much as possible to help your son develop his own decision-making skills, it shouldn’t always be necessary. Sometimes, “because I said so” needed to be good enough. If a son can’t learn to respect a parent’s positional authority and obey, he’ll struggle to submit to all authority later (teachers, bosses, police officers, etc.).

But respecting authority doesn’t mean he must passively accept every command either. Sometimes, the authority we are under is unfair, and we must speak up. In those instances, I’ve taught him to:

- Start by showing respect for the authority of the person he is under.

- Comply, as long as it is not a moral/sin issue. If it is, calmly and firmly explain why he cannot comply.

- If it isn’t a moral/sin issue, but he doesn’t agree, after complying, state his case.

- Ask clarifying questions to ensure his argument is understood.

- Accept the outcome respectfully.

- Appeal to a higher authority if needed.

He’s been able to use this technique to respectfully disagree with us, his teachers, and his bosses. He doesn’t always get his way, but he has been able to handle very difficult disagreements with teachers and bosses in ways that display a Christlike character.

Ultimately, that’s the only authority that matters.

How do you handle disagreements with those in authority over you? What can you do to show your son how to respect authority, even when you don’t agree with it?