Raising a Boy to Be a ManSample

Raising a Boy Who Takes Responsibility

My son wasn’t born with the gift of administration. Throughout his early school years, he struggled to make it through a semester without forgetting an assignment or missing an important deadline.

His school wasn’t that far away, but I dreaded getting a call in the middle of the day asking me to drive over and drop off the homework he left somewhere in his room.

It all came to a head one day when I told him that unless he was sick or we were dealing with some family emergency, I was no longer going to rescue him if he forgot an assignment. He would have to deal with the consequences of his actions on his own. If his teachers needed speaking to, he’d have to do it. If there was an opportunity for make-up work, he would have to advocate for it. If he failed, I was not going to see it as a reflection of my parenting. It was on him.

It was difficult watching him flounder at times, knowing we had the power to bail him out. But forgetting a deadline at 13 years old might only result in a failing grade or maybe summer school. Forgetting a deadline at 33 could result in losing a job, a home, or even jail. It is better for kids to learn responsibility while the consequences of their mistakes are minor, rather than later when more is on the line.

The apostle Paul understood this. When he saw men sitting around unwilling to take responsibility for themselves, he said, “If anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat” (2 Thessalonians 3:10). It can be hard to believe the Bible contains such tough love, but a man will never be able to take responsibility for the lives of his family without first learning to take responsibility for himself.

Do you find yourself repeatedly rescuing your son or doing things for him when he is capable of doing them himself? Are you willing to let your son learn from the natural consequences of his actions?