Love, Intimacy and Sex in the Second Half of Marriage: Part 3 - SEXSample

Making Sex Better

In today’s verses we see Solomon’s wife wanting his kisses and basking in his love for her. At the same time, Solomon is gentle with her and describes her beauty. The two of them celebrate both physical and romantic intimacy including the tenderness, affection, and anticipation that describe foreplay. It gives us a blueprint as we seek to make our sex better.

In marriage it’s easy to fall away from making an effort since we know we’re in a secure, committed relationship. But our spouse deserves some effort and intentionality from us. This communicates that your spouse is worth your effort and energy, even after all the time you’ve been together.

Guys, remember how you used to get ready for a date. The small things matter: fresh breath, boxers that aren’t full of holes, a shirt you know she loves to see you in, a put-together outfit, and making sure you smell nice. Continuing to make the effort to clean up shows you are thinking of her and want to keep pursuing her. Your breath might not “have the scent of apples,” but make sure it smells nice!

Ladies, honestly, you do this much better than the guys do. I realized a long time ago that all it took for me to find Nancy sexy was for her to keep breathing! My guess is that will work for you too. However, I do hear from a lot of men that they appreciate when their wife makes an effort to look her best for him. When you make an effort to look nice, it tells your husband, “Hey, I want to look good and it’s all for you—just you.”

A lot of foreplay happens outside of the bedroom; I call it “24/7/365 foreplay.” Connecting through good conversation, shared activities, fun and laughter, forms the bond that leads to sex. Consistently put your spouse’s needs in front of yours. Know what your spouse needs. Ask your spouse daily how you can help them today and what would make their life easier or better today. Speak to each other with gentleness, kindness, and respect. Apologize when you fall short of that standard. Take time out of your day to text an “I love you” to your spouse. Plan a date for the two of you.

This kind of “24/7/365 foreplay” will improve both your marriage and your sex life. Then once you’re headed into the bedroom, don’t just skip straight to the sex act. Have some fun with foreplay. Take showers or baths together, give your spouse a back rub, kiss, give massages or foot rubs, snuggle together naked, or just spend some intimate time together. Foreplay may not happen every time, but commit to working on improving this part of your sex life. We see in today’s verses how important this is to fully enjoying the sex life in your marriage.

What does your spouse like best? What gets you both in the mood? In this season, most of us have more time for foreplay, so take advantage of that time.

Things To Think About:

• What is your favorite form of foreplay?
• How do you define sexy?
• How can you implement 24/7/365 foreplay into your marriage?

Final Words:

Love, intimacy, and sex are three pieces of a puzzle. Each piece alone is important, but when you fit the three pieces together, you get the complete picture. You have a picture of marriage the way God designed it to be.

Where are these three things in your marriage today? Where do you want them to be? The way you live out your second half of marriage will impact not just the two of you but also your family and those around you.

I want your marriage to be everything God designed it to be. He has an incredible plan for your marriage and that does not change in the second half. I would love to hear your story and how these plans have impacted you and your marriage. My email address is drkim@awesomemarriage.

If you are looking for ways to really up the romance in your marriage, try taking the 25 Day Think Sex Challenge! This challenge is designed to help you get back in the mood if it’s been a while since you felt romantic or were excited about intimacy. Learn more here.