Cracking the Communication Code

How long has it been since you and your spouse laughed together?

Laughter isn’t a cure-all that fixes everything in marriage, but it’s an indication of marital health. Laughter is a litmus test—it shows whether you’re on the same page. If healthy communication is a seed you plant in the ground and nurture, then laughter is the fruit you harvest. It’s a sure indication that things are going well because before you can laugh together, you first have to learn to communicate. The opposite is also true. When the laughter stops, or you stop laughing together, it can be a sign of a breakdown in communication. When you stop laughing with each other and start laughing at each other, it’s a sign that something is wrong.

Humor can be an amazing tool, but likewise, it can be a weapon that tears couples apart. When the same joke that used to make you laugh stops being funny, it’s typically a sign of a drift in your relationship. It may be a sign that one or both of you have put up a wall as a result of unaddressed hurt. You’ve moved from loving each other as husband and wife to living as roommates.

We fell into that trap once, but we are determined never to fall into it again, and we are on a mission to prevent other couples from making the same mistakes we did. If you want to keep the heat in your marriage, you need to keep laughing together. But to do that, you need to learn to listen to each other.

I love to laugh! One of the things that drew me to Irene was how she shared that with me— how we could find joy together just by making each other laugh. To this day we’re that couple at the restaurant laughing so hard that others start to wonder what happened.

But it hasn’t always been that way for us. Before we got to working on our relationship and figuring out our communication barriers, there were long periods when there was more loneliness than laughter. We could be in the same room having the same conversation but not really hearing each other. We were coexisting—surviving, but not thriving. Communication barriers have a way of making you feel as if you’re stuck in the rough golfing. You’re still technically in the game, but it’s more frustrating than fun.

I want you to know something—something I didn’t back then: God has much more for your marriage.

He doesn’t want you to just tolerate each other; he wants you to be in love with each other. He wants you to experience the same passionate, jealous love he demonstrated throughout Scripture—even in the hard or dry seasons of life. Romans 8:39 tells us that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Zephaniah 3:15–17 assures us that not only is he close in the hard times, but he promises to turn those seasons into a party! Verse 17 says that God will sing over his people “like a new husband” (THE VOICE).

Joy is waiting on the other side of the breakthrough; that’s a promise.

Respond

• Share a time when you and your spouse experienced God bringing joy to a difficult time.
• How was your relationship impacted?

Prayer

God, help us to keep our marriage centered on You. We want our first reaction when difficulties come to be looking to You. Help us find your joy in each and every season.