Stop Taking Yourself So Seriously

I may have just celebrated my fiftieth birthday and can claim to be half a century old, but in reality, I’m a child.

I laugh at stupid things.

Childish pranks—things I got in trouble for as a kid involving farts or burps—still make me laugh.

In the past, when we’ve gone through seasons when Irene or I withheld laughter, or we wouldn’t let down our guards, we might as well have withheld physical affection, too, because not being able to laugh together is just as much of a deprivation.

Our proximity in relationships is directly affected by our ability to let down our guard. Think about it: if I have a wall up, Irene can’t get close to me. That’s the point of a wall—to keep people out.

When you’re guarded, you are, by definition, unable to be intimate. What we often think is protecting us is hindering us.

You might say, “Well, my spouse has a totally different sense of humor!”

So do Irene and I. That doesn’t keep us from laughing together. When you’re in a relationship with someone, usually it’s not the joke that makes you withhold laughter—usually, it’s not what’s being said that you don’t find funny.

Often, it’s what’s not being said.

In our marriage, during the seasons in which the laughter ran out, it was because we were busy running from our issues.

Have you ever run a marathon? Or simply go for a long-distance run? I haven’t! However there are important breathing techniques runners use to regulate the oxygen distributed to their muscles. Otherwise, their muscles will cramp and prevent them from getting any farther.

If you watch professional sports, you will often see athletes wearing oxygen masks on the sidelines. This isn’t always a result of serious injury. If our muscles are deprived of oxygen, they can’t function the way they were designed to. In the same way, those walls that you think are protecting you may be depriving your relationship of oxygen.

But taking down our walls requires emotional health—it’s not something our spouse can do for us. I can recognize when Irene is uptight just as easily as she can recognize my guard, but we can’t fix one another’s emotional health.

An ancient proverb says, “The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out” (Proverbs 20:5).

There is a deep well within all of us that drives our lives, but most of us aren’t aware of it. According to this proverb, one who has insight can draw meaning from these “deep waters.” We need our partners to help us understand the why beneath our what.

When life hits hard, and it will, there is no greater comfort than someone walking through it with you. When your spouse is willing to meet you where you are to walk with you through seasons of pain, there is an intimacy that grows as a result. A trust that bonds you together.

Are you emotionally healthy enough to draw deep water from your spouse’s soul? Do you have enough emotional intelligence to help your spouse understand theirs?

Couples who learn how to do this will quickly find that they can laugh together no matter what else is going on in their lives.

Remember: couples who laugh together stay together.

Respond

• Share a time when you struggled emotionally, and your spouse supported and helped you.
• How do you support your spouse emotionally?

Prayer

God, help me be the emotional support my spouse needs. Help each of us be aware of the other's needs, especially in the hectic seasons of our lives.