Healing Family Relationships Through ListeningSample

This is not an easy challenge, but it may bring about significant healing in your family relationships. Ask a few of your family members some of the following questions. You may need to prepare them with a little preamble: "I want to talk with you about something. It's a little awkward and kind of personal, so please bear with me. I am concerned that I might have some blind spots in how I relate to people and family members, so I was hoping that you could honestly answer a couple of questions."

After the preamble, here are some questions to consider: "Would you say that I have a habit of interrupting people when they are talking to me?" "When you, or other people in the family, are talking to me, do you feel as if I listen with my full attention?" "Do you think I am a person who tries to understand other people's perspectives, or am I too focused on sharing mine?"

After your family member shares their answers with you, consider just saying, "Thank you for sharing that with me. I'm going to think about what you said." Or, if the situation warrants, you could ask them for more insight. "Okay, so you said that I don't always do a great job giving people my full attention when they're talking to me. Can you give me an example of that, or maybe a time I did that to you, so I can better understand?"

It may be that your family member affirms that you do have an unhealthy pattern of interrupting or not fully listening. If that is the case, it would be an important step in healing to receive and affirm what is being shared with you. "Thank you for being honest with me. I think you're right that I do have a problem with this. I want to grow in this area, and I will be asking God to work in my heart and change my behavior."

Reflection Question: Consider asking a family member to assess your listening skills. Which one of your family members is most likely to give you an honest, caring answer?