Deep Waters, Deeper Love: Marriage Lessons From JonahSample

Jonah is angry and his anger reveals how unmet expectations can poison relationships. He expected—even wanted—God to destroy Nineveh, and when God chose mercy instead, Jonah became furious. In marriage, rigid expectations about how your spouse "should" behave or respond often lead to similar anger when those expectations aren't met. Jonah's statement, "I knew that you are a gracious and compassionate God" (Jonah 4:2), reveals he actually understood God's character but was disappointed when God acted consistently with it! In the same way, we often know our spouse's patterns and personalities yet become upset when they act according to their nature. We fight the differences instead of embracing them and seeing how God can use them in our marriage.

God's response to Jonah's anger provides a masterclass in addressing emotional outbursts. Rather than dismissing Jonah's feelings or responding with anger, God asks a reflective question: "Is it right for you to be angry?" (Jonah 4:4). This approach asks us to look at ourselves rather than escalating the situation. How does that play out in marriage? It means we can make the choice to respond to our spouse and their emotions with questions that will help us understand them better instead of being critical of them. That then creates space for deeper understanding.

Now the mission is done. The great city of Nineveh was saved and we find Jonah teeming with anger and sitting under a leafy plant outside the city. The plant provided shade from the sun and Jonah was happy with the plant. The next morning though, a worm chewed the plant and it died which was followed by a scorching east wind and a blazing sun. Jonah says, "It would be better for me to die." (Jonah 4:8b) Sometimes we need help in seeing things from a different perspective. God did this for Jonah by contrasting Jonah's concern for something small and temporary (the plant) with God's concern for something vastly more important (the people of Nineveh). The plant was just that, a plant, but the city of Nineveh was filled with people.

In marriage, being able to see each other's perspectives is important. Taking time to do that can mean the difference between understanding our spouse or writing them off. Understanding is a win for your marriage. Writing your spouse off can hammer another nail in the coffin of your marriage. So, take the time to put yourself in your spouse's shoes by asking yourself how things look from their perspective and then share how things look from your perspective. Then pray for God to give you both wisdom and understanding. By taking the time to do this, you are learning, growing, and valuing each other. What you learn may not be as drastic as to why a city is more valuable than a plant, but it might be.

Next Steps:

Create an "Expectation Examination" exercise where each of you writes down their unexpressed expectations about different aspects of your marriage (finances, household duties, parenting, intimacy, etc.). Share these lists and discuss which expectations are reasonable and which might need adjustment.

Challenge:

Practice "Is it right?" questioning (Jonah 4:4) when emotions run high. Instead of reacting to your spouse's anger with defensiveness, gently ask, "Does this level of emotion fit the situation?" This invites reflection rather than escalating the conflict and also helps you prioritize which concerns deserve more attention and emotional investment.

Weekly Marriage Check-In Guide

Keep investing in your marriage with my printable Weekly Marriage Check-In Guide .

Strong marriages don’t happen by accident—they’re built with intention and regular communication.

My Weekly Marriage Check-In Guide will help you and your spouse stay on the same page, week after week. My easy-to-use, printable checklist ensures your weekly marriage check-in is focused, meaningful, and productive. With just a few minutes each week, you can nurture a stronger, more connected marriage.

Grab your Weekly Marriage Check-In Guide here!