Day 12: The Pain of Forgiveness

The Perfect Example

Jesus was publicly humiliated, brutally abused, and gruesomely murdered. He was mocked, slapped, humiliated with a crown of thorns, and inhumanely beaten with a lead-tipped whip. That was all before He was ordered to carry the device upon which He would be publicly hanged. Here's the unbelievable part: while being nailed to this tree, Jesus prayed, “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they’re doing” (Luke 23:34 TPT).

The soldiers proceeded to mock Him, give Him vinegar for His dehydration, and stab Him in the side to ensure He died.

I am a Marine who has had the honor of serving alongside people who have done heroic things; yet, I don't know a single person who would volunteer to endure this and pray at the height of their agony that the abusers would be forgiven.

What a stellar example of forgiveness! The immediacy of Christ’s forgiveness makes it seem absurd and unattainable.

Many of us can’t even fathom forgiving people for something they did years ago; yet, Jesus set both a precedent and an expectation for us.

Here’s the most common question about forgiveness:

How can I forgive them when they’ve caused so much hurt?

I won’t simplify it by providing a generic answer. Instead, I’ll tell a story my dad, Dr. Olatunde Ogunyemi, shared (and I witnessed firsthand).

The Story:

Preparing for church in a double-wide trailer with over ten people can be a gargantuan task! Seriously, it’s incredibly challenging just to get my family of five out the door. I have no idea how my parents did it! One Sunday was similar to the others in that we quickly ran out of hot water after the first couple of showers and baths, requiring us to boil pots for the rest of the baths.

My dad had boiled a large pot of water and was carrying it to his bathtub when one of my nephews darted past him. To avoid spilling the water on my nephew, he turned the pot toward himself and spilled boiling hot water on his forearm. The pain was intense and immediate; however, my dad decided to treat it himself and proceed to church. He endured the pain throughout the day and even preached a sermon.

By the time he made it home, the blisters were inflamed, and the pain had increased exponentially. He finally decided to go to the emergency room to seek help. Infection had set in, lengthening his recovery and increasing the number of treatments. Each treatment required an excruciating scraping process to remove the abnormal tissue from the wound. This continued for many months until his arm was fully healed, leaving a permanent scar that symbolizes the pain he endured during this chapter of his life.

The Lesson:

The key lesson is that my dad’s scar remains on his arm as a reminder of the incident and the pain he felt at the time and for several years after. However, he no longer feels the pain.

How did he get there?

Forgiveness, like healing a burn, requires intentional care. Ignoring the wound—emotional or physical—only invites deeper damage. Each scraping session, as painful as it was, served a greater purpose: removing what didn’t belong so healing could occur.

So what does forgiveness look like in real life?

1. Don’t ignore what happened. Denial isn’t healing; it’s a delay.
2. Don’t delay and pray. Yes, we should pray, but we should also pursue healing in a practical way. There's strength in counseling and allowing a licensed professional to guide you through this process.
3. Get treatment, even though it may be unpleasant and uncomfortable.
4. Remember that healing takes time, and the pain will slowly subside.

Eventually, what once felt like an open wound will become a scar—a mark of God’s grace through the process.

Reflect:

What emotional wounds are you still carrying? What would it look like to begin treatment—your journey toward forgiveness—today?